Hope

I stumbled across this quote tonight while reading a random book on my parents bookshelf. The words were found on the wall of a concentration camp.

"I believe in the sun, even though it doesn't shine,
I believe in love, even when it isn't shown,
I believe in God, even when he doesn't speak."

I cannot imagine the person who carved these words, nor the state he/she was in at the time. A seemingly hopeless situation, yet the quote speaks of hope.

We are seemingly hopeless, without the hope that is Christ.

Christ is Hope.

Merry Christmas.



"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead." --1 Peter 1:3


"God did this so that, by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope set before us may be greatly encouraged. We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure." --Hebrews 6:18-19

Golden

I'm alive. I thought I'd throw that out there since it's been a week, and a crazy one at that. Alex and Rebecca are married, I'm back from Tennessee and surprisingly enough in one piece with some stories for sure.

Learning a lot about myself for the better or worse, and hours on the road have provided some time for thought and some time for self-entertainment. If you know much about me, the entertainment comes more smoothly than the thought.

Tomorrow I leave for Tampa (or the wilderness just South of Tampa) on the farm where my Dad's family lives. Excited to see family I haven't seen in months and some that I haven't seen in a couple of years since I was out of the country last Christmas.

Speaking of, I've been thinking a lot about where I was last year I this time. I had no idea what the Lord would do in this past year, but whew it has been an adventure. I'm praying for all of the students that flew out yesterday, for the people the meet and for the relationships that are built. Especially for Mary Beth who was on my team last year and is there again.

In other news, I got a call from the firm this week and I'm scheduled for another interview/office visit with all of the shareholders at the end of January. So I guess it's the next step in this process that I'm trying to be completely trusting in. I also heard from my new "boss" for this summer's FUGE placement: Mobile, AL. The lovely Carrie Griffin shared with me this wonderful news as a special birthday present for me. So great, more decisions, more waiting, more praying (isn't it ironic that Shane and Shane are singing me Psalm 13 right now?!).

-----

Enough of the real world and back to the adventure,

Soon after my family time, I will (hopefully) find myself in the Golden state of California. After I drop by the set of the Hills, I plan on visiting my wonderfully fabulous friend, Jenni Price.

the Lord brought Jenni to camp to work the first 4 weeks as a happy surprise to the staff, the students, and especially me. Jenni lived in the back room of my apartment and blessed my heart with Christy Nockles songs, nervous laughter, and a whole lot of wisdom/encouragement.


Jenni and I bonded over basketball games, construction paper, cave conversations, white water rafting near death experiences, Jason's "tickling", and my fabulous driving skills on Tennessee interstates.

I've decided it was Jenni who put my car in neutral, no matter how much she and Carrie try to convince me otherwise. Jenni taught me things about "duh" moments, made words like 'bust' and 'lame' become regular words in conversation, and is the reason why I to have to play Track 4 on my Rascal Flatts CD 5 times before moving on. I taught Jenni songs that are a little less reputable, but equally as fun (I got 'em.)


Jenni is a driven individual, and the drive comes from a desire to glorify the Lord with each breath. She sees the Lord in moments that many overlook and I am so thankful that she shares that with others because it has challenged me to see Him and His grace in the everyday. She sees the Lord in sunsets, in conversations with students, in grief, in struggle, in happy laughter, and in tears too. And through these things and in so much more I have seen the Lord in Jenni and in her ministry.


Jenni is an includer and genuinely wants everyone to feel apart of the group. She works to demonstrate this desire through the way she chooses to see the best in people, and the way in which she highlights their strengths. That has challenged me as I find myself easily finding the faults in myself and in others. Jenni is honest and stays true to what she believes . . and is grounded in Truth. The Truth radiates in her choices and in her life.

I have really enjoyed getting to know Jenni in 'real' life from skyping out and hearing about the people in her life. She continues to invest in me and encourage me and I continue to learn from our friendship.

One of the biggest things Jenni has taught me is about sisterhood. Both biologically and spiritually I have seen Jenni be a sister to many. I have seen her teach, listen to, cry with/over, laugh with, pray for, invest in, tell stories about, share joy and hardship with, and grow with. At camp, I saw her take on the roles of being a big sister to people on staff (myself included), and I have had the privilege of seeing glimpses of how she is a sister to her real sisters at home.

I would like to be the kind of sister Jenni is to my sister and to my friends too.

I can't believe that in just 9 more days, I'll get to see Jenni. Maybe her reaction to me showing up will be a little better than mine to her surprise visit at the end of the summer :) I love Jenni and I'm sure our time together will be...Golden.

Bee Tea Dubs. . ."There is no friend like a sister, in calm or stormy weather, to cheer one on the tedious way, to fetch one if one goes astray, to lift one if one totters down, to strengthen whilst one stands." -Christina G. Rossetti

Birthday wishes

Today (Yesterday) has been one of the best birthdays ever. It had nothing to do with big party plans or super special plans, but more to do with a realization of my own.

Facebook has its flaws, mostly demonstrated in my life in the way it can completely distract me from being a productive student and worker, but one thing I like about it is that it notifies people of special events like birthdays. While one could think on the fact that most people would have no idea it was your birthday or forgotten you existed at all had it not been for a friendly technological reminder,;I love the fact that for a few moments it brings to mind people who I haven't thought of (unfortunately enough) in a while and then follows a flood of memories, conversations, meaningful moments, etc. with that person. I love those few moments, where I can reflect on blessings...and think about how I should be challenged to reflect on blessings (and see new blessings) daily.


Today instead of being in a car on my way to Tennessee, I spent a leisurely day with some family which allowed me to look over all of my facebook birthday wishes and texts and calls, etc.


Words cannot describe the Lord's power and presence in those messages. People from so many different areas of my life; teachers, high school friends, college classmates, family from all over, people who I played on sports teams with, people who I grew up with, bosses, those that I had been on mission trips with, pastors, camp friends, life-long friends, siblings, Sunday school teachers, grandparents, parents, adults who worked in the youth ministry, roommates, those who have known me my entire life, and those who have known me for only a few months. And some who fit multiple categories.


My heart was and is overflowing with gratitude, echos with rejoicing, and is burdened with responsibility.

One of these does not belong right? haha.

I could go on and on forever about how blessed I am. And whew, am I blessed.... When I think about how the Lord has provided for me. How he has encouraged me. How he has challenged me . . .(really could go on forever) I am speechless. I've given describing the ways in which I am blessed in general and in today's messages into words and I can't do it. I can't.

But I am also challenged by scripture that I have been praying through lately, Psalm 67.

May God be gracious to us and bless us

and make his face shine upon us,

that your ways may be known on earth,

your salvation among all nations.

May the peoples praise you, O God;

may all the people's praise you.

May the nations be glad and sign for joy,

for you rule the peoples justly

and guide the nations of the earth.

May the peoples praise you, O God;

may all the peoples praise you.

Then the land will yield its harvest,

and God, our God, will bless us.

God will bless us,

and all the ends of the earth will fear him.

Whew, I am blessed.

But this blessing is not for me. It is not for my glory. It's for His. I am burdened for all of my relationships when I reflect on my birthday wishes, and on the memories, the experiences, the meaningful conversations of the people who wrote them. I am challenged to use those blessings for His ways to be known on the earth and His salvation to all the nations.

Legos, Laughs, and Love

So, while I'm in Chattanooga, TN. . .well the original reason for being in Chattanooga. . .is to attend the wedding of one Mr. Alex Jenson Ford to the lovely Rebecca McPherson.






This is alex and rebecca:

Your reaction to the photo above was most likely my first thoughts about Alex. goofy. and hilarious. And after meeting Mr. Ford, it will only take you a few minutes to be privy to the depth of his love for people, to his truly selfless heart, and his desire for all to be included and loved.



Thanks to his excellent choice in a person capable of running lights this summer, Alex and I had a lot of time to get to talk, and I have learned so much about his heart for others. I want to love people like Alex loves people. I want to be able to put myself last, like Alex puts himself last.




Alex has a great way of breaking down people's walls, and bringing people together through his hilarious story telling, unashamed honesty, and his sincere desire to want to know people. And not just facts knowledge, but the deeper knowledge that comes from a true investment in their lives. And the best part is that he uses these gifts to bring the Lord glory. And while he is just fun in general, that was so indescribably fun to watch this summer.



His demonstration for his love for his family and friends ....and to complete strangers... comes in the form of selfless service, and while he like the rest of us is far from perfect, I am challenged by how much he is determined to capture 1 Corinthians's definition of love.



Speaking of love. . . .I have had the privilege of meeting his soon-to-be wife, Rebecca. While, unfortunately, I have not gotten to spend too much time with the Mrs, I can already see how she shares Alex's love for people in the way she has been so encouraging to me without even knowing me at all. Her quiet passion doesn't go unnoticed.




Alex became my brother this summer--so we put together legos, exchanged jokes, and I beat him in basketball.....always. I don't have a biological brother, so I hope that those who do have a relationship like the friendship I had with Alex this summer. It was and continues to be a true blessing.



I am so glad that I am privileged with the opportunity to attend these people's wedding: they are wonderful and I can't wait to see them:

Listen don't judge this picture. It's the only one I had. Plus we are hot. Literally. We were standing underneath the AC in the Chatt. town zoo, because it was a bagillion degrees outside.

bee tea dubs. . .to those of you who were requesting this blog. . .you're next.

Dirty South Girls from Tennessee. (Part II)

haha. I've always wanted to use those lyrics (Grits) in as a blog title. and now I have friends to do it.


After my visit with Carrie, I hop, skip, and jump over to Chattanooga, TN--a name that didn't really evoke much interest, and now which I tend to think of more often. . .mostly due to this human being:

I have posted the above picture not to brag about the number of teeth I have. . (but they are a blessing all 1,000 that are showing in this picture). . . but more because I feel as though this is a good description of Molly & Kaylyn.

(I've blogged about Molly before, so if you want to know more about her, either stalk her life by clicking her name: Molly, or by checking out my previous blogs, but here's a snidbit of Molly. )

Molly is a true rockstar. Or at least she's convinced.

I'm blessed to have an older sister in Molly in that she teaches me funny things that will most likely get me in trouble, she is a bully in all the best ways, and she is there for me whenever I need her. I want to grow up and immitate Molly's loyalty, capture Molly's funniness, and gain her discernment. (I'd also like to steal a little bit of her vocal talent. . .what is up with all my friends having music skill?)

Molly's passion for life and for people overflow in her singing, laughter (hers and the product of her jokes), her time devoted to serving friends, family, and students, and her desire to be a conductor of Joy. (capital J, please take note)

My favorite Molly moments don't have to do with her awesome ability to make people laugh, but have much more to do with seeing her pour into others, myself included. Even though she denys it, Molly is an encourager and she has encouraged me.

(just look at the stack of cards on my desk)

So I can't wait to see my friend Molly in person rather than on my computer screen...and share what will be some hilarious moments together I'm sure.

bee tea dubs. . the third point to the triangle and his boo to come. . .

Christmas Adventure: Part I

So with two finals down and two to go, I have taken a quick break today to clean my room (only to mess it up with notes and things in the next few days) and to spend some much needed time lounging with my roommate, Ashli. Tonight we made a Chic Fil A run, threw on some sweats and watched Eat Pray Love, and then indulged in some reeses pie made by Jessica's mom. (Delish).



Today was great, and while I'm sure tomorrow I will be spending most of the day with my nose in my Tax book, I have appreciated the time to enjoy small things like finding old cards and things while cleaning up my room.



This semester has truly flown by. I hated when adults used to say that growing up. "In the blink of an eye, you'll be in my shoes". . yadda yadda yadd. . ."the years go by faster every year"



It didn't really make much sense, but as much as I would like to say they are still crazy (and most adults are) I completely understand time flying.



So tonight, I am pausing time (in my mind of course), and reflecting on this semester--on things that I've caught, and on things that I've missed. And I'm thinking about my break.

SO--I figured I'd take the next few days to share with blogland my Christmas break events one at a time. . .and a little bit about the people I get to see on my break that seems to have become one big road trip of adventure.




So first off. . . .



In 9 days I get to see this girl:

I'm excited to get to have some time with Carrie before she goes home to the golden state for Christmas time with her family. Carrie was my boss, sometimes a diva (well, she wears the sunglasses fo' sho'), and always my friend. She has fun stories like me, and even though she hides it a little better than I do--most definitely has some awkwardness in there. Another fun fact: she doesn't like the top of her desk to be messy. If the drawers are messy that's okay. And her hummus has to be flat so she's really careful when she's eating it with her fav. snack, Wheat Thins.

Carrie has a beautiful voice and a beautiful heart to match.

She answers my random questions and then throws some back at me.

I have a lot of respect for Carrie, because I have seen her demonstrate integrity on a daily basis.

I am challenged by Carrie's honesty, and encouraged by her passionate strength.

Although Carrie's tear ducts operate at a different capacity than my own, I have been witness to just how deeply she cares for the Lord and for His people and this goes much deeper than simple emotions. It is grounded in obedience.

Sometimes she pretends she's a spider, and sometimes she tries to show me she's footclapping, but doesn't really show me that at all. Sometimes she confuses her words when on the phone with church secretaries, and also tells students "feelings are stupid". But whatever she's doing; its with conviction and devotion--I'm learning a lot from Carrie and am super excited to get some time (though short) with her in almost a week!

bee tea dubs. . .stay tuned for the rest of my Christmas break adventure.

Semper Idem

I got the chance to read the Charles Spurgeon sermon, "The Immutability of God" based on Malachi 3:6 which says, "I am the Lord, I change not; therefore ye sons of Jacob are not consumed."


Here are rather legnthy passages of the sermon:

"He is the great I AM--the Great Unchangeable. Mark you, his essence did not undergo a change when it became united with the manhood. When Christ in past years did gird himself with mortal clay, the essence of his divinity was not changed; flesh by a real actual change of nature; the two were united in hypostatical union, but the Godhead was still the same. It was the same when he was a babe in the manger, as it was when he stretched the curtains of heaven; it was the same God that hung upon the cross, and whose blood flowed down in a purple river, the self-same God that holds the world upon his everlasting shoulders, and bears in his hands the keys of death and hell. He never has been changed in his essence, not even by his incarnation; he remains everlastingly, eternally, the one unchanging God, the Father of lights, with whom there is no variableness, neither the shadow of a change."


"Was [God] powerful? Was he the mighty God when he spake the world out of the womb of nonexistence? Was he the Omnipotent when he piled the mountains and scooped out the hollow places for the rolling deep? Yes, he was powerful then, and his arm is unpalsied now, he is the same giant in his might; the sap of his nourishment is undried, and the strength of his soul stands the same for ever. Was he wise when he constituted this mighty globe, when he laid the foundations of the universe? Had he wisdom when he planned the way of our salvation, and when from all eternity he marked out his awful plans? Yes, and he is wise now; he is not less skillful, he has not less knowledge; his eye which seeth all things in undimmed; his ear which heareth all the cries, sighs, sobs, and groans of his people, is not rendered heavy by the years which he hath heard their prayers. He is unchanged in his wisdom, he knows as much now as ever, neither mroe nor less; he has the same consummate skill and the same infinite forecastings. He is unchanged, blessed be his name, in his justice. Just and holy was he in the past; just and holy is he now. He is unchanged in his truth; he has promised and he brings it to pass; he hath saith it, and it shall be done. He varies not in the goodness, and generosity, and benevolence of his nature. He is not become an Almighty tyrant, whereas he was once an Almighty Father; but his strong love stands like a granite rock, unmoved by the hurricanes of our iniquity. And blessed be his dear name, he is unchanged in his love. When we first wrote the covenant, how full his heart was with affection to his people. He knew that his Son must die to ratify the articles of that agreement. He knew right well that he must rend his best beloved from his bowels, and send him down to earth to bleed and die. He did not hesitate to sign that mighty covenant; nor did he shun its fulfillment. He loves as much now as he did then, and when suns shall sease to shine, and moons to show their feeble light, he still shall love on for ever and for ever. Take any one attribute of God, and I will write semper idem on it (always the same). Take any one thing you can say of God now, and it may be said not only in the dark past, but in the bright future it shall always remain the same: 'I am Jehovah, I change not.'"



Bee Tea Dubs...I am challenged to stop and remember the God I serve.

In these last few days . . .

I have had an interview for a summer internship.

I have broken down into sobs in my dark, silent dorm room. . desperately listening

I have begun reading this book. . .

I have spend some time with my family and have been encouraged by my mom.

I have gone through moments where I was stressed out about finals, and then other moments where I have justified a sense of apathy toward academia.


I have sat at a coffee shop and listened to a friend talk about their daily drug use.

I have been honest with myself, and kept myself busy to avoid my thoughts.


I have lost distant family members, and have been scared to loose ones close to me.

I have laughed and danced and sang and enjoyed precious moments with my sister.


I have been blessed beyond measure.


I have been shakened.

I have listened to Santus Real's 'Whatever You're Doing' a few times.

And I have sat in my parent's kitchen starring at an empty blog screen at 2am, without any words to discribe the Lord's power, the Lord's presence, and the Lord's glory.

These last few days have not been about drama, although this blog seems to be a bit dramatic.

These last few days have not been about difficult decisions nor have they been about mere human experience and lessons learned.

These last few days have been about God's grace pouring richly over me soley in order for me to glorify Him in all and through all.


And that makes these last few days no different than any other day in history.

Beautiful

I see Your face in every sunrise
The colors of the morning are inside Your eyes
The world awakens in the light of the day
I look up to the sky and say
You're beautiful

I see Your power in the moonlit night
Where planets are in motion and galaxies are bright
We are amazed in the light of the stars
It's all proclaiming who You are
You're beautiful, You're beautiful

I see You there hanging on a tree
You bled and then You died and then You rose again for me
Now You are sitting on Your heavenly throne
Soon we will be coming home
You're beautiful, You're beautiful

When we arrive at eternity's shore
Where death is just a memory and tears are no more
We'll enter in as the wedding bells ring
Your bride will come together and we'll sing
You're beautiful, You're beautiful

I see Your face,
You're beautiful, You're beautiful, You're beautiful

I see Your Face,
Isee Your Face

I see Your Face
You're beautiful, You're beautiful, You're beautiful


-Beautiful, Phil Wickham

Sara

I have a friend Sara. She and I met by way of one of our good friends, Jessica. Sara is from Honduras, and has taught me a lot about being brave. I admire her go-get-em attitude about things, her genuinue compassion she has on people who she knows nothing about, and her love for people who are completely different from her. She is perserverant and hardworking.



(((bee tea dubs, the picture above is really old. Freshman year, and she would kill me if she found out I uploaded it, but I couldn't find any other one)))

I don't get to see or talk to her much. In fact, this year I could probably count the number of real conversations we have had on one hand. But when I hear her speak; when I listen to her thoughts, I am amazed at the wisdom and articulation she possesses.





This week I was blessed when in a leadership meeting we were all sharing about people who have left a big inpact on our lives and she shared about both of her grandmothers in a very unique way.





I love Sara in that she has the wisdom of knowing when to speak and exactly how little to say. I could learn a lot from Sara in that.





Tonight, Sara overheard a conversation I had with a friend about my interview. She knew I was nervous, and worried, and stressed and also knew I knew I shouldn't be. And in her own, quiet, perfect way, demonstrated God's unending love for me. And unending patience with me.





Sara sent me a message with the following prayer, letting me know that her grandmother had given her this before her internship this past summer in Washington DC. Sara said that if things didn't sound right that it was because she had translated it from spanish. But when I read it, I couldn't have been any more clearly shaken.








I am thankful for Sara, and for this prayer for/of me tonight.

Holy Spirit,

Inspire me always,

in what I should think,

in what I should say,

in how I should say it,

in what I should leave unsaid.

in how I should act,

in what I have to do.

For God's glory and the good for my sisters and brothers

Holy Spirit,

grant me insight to understand,

capacity to retain,

method and capability to learn

subtley to interpret,

grace and efficiency while speaking

Grant me aptness to begin,

guidance along the way

and perfection in finalizing.

-Amen.

Bee Tea Dubs, I'm continually amazed by the Love of my Lord.

Persuaded.

I have been reading through Pslams, so that's why things have been focused in that direction. Anyway, I was thinking I would be writing a blog about this weekend, the crazy adventures with my family through Orlando--Universal and Disney in 48 hours. (And I still plan on doing that soon.)

But this morning, I am persuaded to blog more truth for my revival, and for my good.


Abba,

To you, O Lord, I life up my soul;
in you I trust, O my God.

(Do not let my own failures, my own struggles within myself put me to shame and triumph over me.)

Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths.

Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior,

and my hope is in you all day long. (Please let that be true.)

Remember, O Lord, your great mercy and love,
for they are from of old. (Love and Mercy are nothing new with you.)

Remember not the sins of my mouth and my rebellious ways; (Cause they are abundant)

according to your love remember me, for you are good, O Lord.
(and you are MY Good)

Good and upright is the Lord;

therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.

He guides the humble in what is right (help me be humble)

and teaches them his way.

All the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful. (Don't let me forget)
for those who keep the demands of his covenant.

Let this be my mediation as I prepare for interviews and decisions, and work and life, and always.


And Psalm 25 keeps on going with good stuff. . .


bee tea dubs, pray for my interview this Friday. The Lord is good, faithful, loving, and He knows what's up.

a word about The Word.

The Law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul.
The statutes of the Lord are trustworthy,
making wise the simple.
The precepts of the Lord are right,
giving joy to the heart.
The commands of the Lord are radiant,
giving light to the eyes.
The fear of the Lord is pure, enduring forever.
The ordinances of the Lord are sure and altogether righteous.
They are more precious than gold, than much pure gold;
they are sweeter than honey, than honey from the comb
By them is your servant warned; in keeping them there is great reward.

-Psalm 19:7-11

The word. . .
-revives the soul, gives joy to the heart, gives light, is more precious than gold.

This morning I am joyfully reminded why I cannot neglect the Lord's Words to me. I am reminded that I rob myself of His joy and His wisdom when I choose to forgoe time with Him.

Bee Tea Dubs, my prayer is verse 20 of this psalm. "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer."

Laugh until it hurts.

This past weekend I traveled to Jacksonville to do what we thought was a retreat, but what turned out to be an all-night youth lockin. We arrived at 6:30ish and after taking a quick tour went out to eat with the pastor before the students arrived at 9pm. They are currently looking for a youth pastor and could use all the help they could get.

We made some quick adjustments in plans, and did really well at just being flexible and going with the flow. Students began to arrive, and I was playing basketball in no-time. Part of my not understanding this was a lock-in, was me not bringing tennis-shoes, and therefore slip/sliding across the court and eventually playing bare-foot.

Battleball ensued next. We must have played at least 7 games, including one with students v. adults (adults won), and one of lifeguard, where my FUGE training definitely paid off. (Battleball made me miss the summer and staff for sure.)

We played a couple of fun team building games and then broke for pizza and worship. After their pastor spoke we played a few rounds of Mafia, in which I almost got into an altercation with a rather intense FSU fan. But no worries, Kaylyn kept her chaperon face on. . well at least at this point.

After card games. . more basketball. This time knockout which turned somehow into full court shots. (At this point, the adult Kaylyn should have come into play where I decide it's not a smart idea to throw a basketball softball style for thirty minutes across the gym.) Adult Kaylyn wasn't present (as per usual).

Then football. Remember how I was barefoot? Yea, that hurt a lot.

Around 3:30, the pastor said enough with the high-energy games (and I was so appreciative) and moved everyone upstairs for video games/sleep if anyone wanted it.

This is me, shortly after. I was a little punch-drunk, and a little silly. Remember this is 3:30.

Yea. I was so tired. But then at around 4, I got to have a jam session with some of our group and that gave me a little more energy. I love playing the guitar, and I love people who are patient with my lack of my musical gifts/talent.

Probably my favorite part of the night.

After that, somehow Ashli, Jessica, and I got designated as the all night chaperones to make sure there was no funny business going down with our mixed crowd. That's right folks. I was in charge of the Purple patrol.

Which basically meant I sat up while the church kids played card games, and got to talk with them until 6:30 when the youth pastor came back with doughnuts and we ate breakfast.

At 7:15, we loaded up and left. After the worst car-ride ever. . where I'm sure that I had lost the little sanity that I had, we got back to school at 9:30am.

Our group were troopers for sure. So much fun, so many laughs, and such good memories.

I was definitely reminded of many memories of youth activities and the adults who sacrificed sleep and time to hang out with hyper-active students like myself. I am so thankful for the mentors and adult figures in my life growing up who brought me up in Truth, and who worshiped God through the sacrifice of investment in others.

After I made it to my bed, I slept until 5pm, waking up very confused, I took a shower, ate, and fell back asleep at 8:30. Woke up a few times, but not for good until 12pm today. I don't know how many hours that is, but its a long time. I was sleeping for forever, and it really did a number to my clarity of time and date and everything.

Plus, those decisions like throwing a basketball full court for 30 minutes, and running around with no shoes came back to me in the form of sharp pains and sore, stiff muscles that I had forgotten existed.

So, I have a much greater appreciation for sleep and for rest. Don't think I'll be pulling an all-night for a while.

I'll have to post the very few pictures of this weekend on this blog when I upload them.

bee tea dubs . . . .This week I'm looking forward to my family coming to visit and spending some much needed time with them. I'm also looking forward to speaking at Vespers this week on worship, and I'm thankful for a God who is worshiped and glorified through things like knockout and laughter when we allow that to happen.

Psalm 16

Keep me safe, O God,

for in you I take refuge.

I said to the Lord, "You are my Lord;

apart from you I have no good thing."

As for the saints who are in the land,

they are the glorious ones in whom

is all my delight.

The sorrows of those will increase

who run after other gods.
I will not pour out their libations of blood

or take up their names on my lips.

Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup;

you have made my lot secure.

The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant placse;

surely I have a delightful inheritance.

I will praise the Lord, who counsels me;

even at night my heart instructs me.

I have set the Lord always before me.

Because he is at my right hand,

I will not be shaken.

Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;

my body also will rest secure,

because you will not abandon me to the grave,

nor will you let your Holy One see decay.

You have made known to me the path of life;

you will fill me with joy in your presence,

with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

----

Give thanks with a grateful heart.

Come with me, and you'll be in a world of Pure Imagination.

So, it's been a long weekend and first two days of the week for sure.

This past weekend the campus ministry I'm involved in put on Dessert Theatre, which is a fundraiser during friends and family weekend to raise money for our spring break mission trip. This year's theme was Willy Wonka. We played the movie, served all you can eat dessert, and acted out/sang/danced to the songs.

It was a hit!! And although I was thoroughly exhausted after, I had a ton of fun!

Here are some inadequate pictures of the evening and some funny ones of me that I hope will bring you a laugh or two instead of thinking i'm really vain.

We had a ton of desserts!!

All made made by students...well, except those cookies that are definitely from Publix.

Some of the decorations on the stage.

Too bad there weren't pictures of the other decorations.

We had cardboard painted giant candies everywhere.

I got to see some of my friends that are retired/graduated which is always exciting!!

This is Margie. She was the BCM director my freshman and sophomore years and retired after 13 years as the director. She's 71 and a complete loon. But I love her to death and she is such a blessing in my life.



Janie (graduated last year) came to see me!!
Janie has some killer basketball skills, and sometimes I get to go to her apartment and watch Glee with her and make homemade pizza.



The students served the audience as if we were factory workers.
This is me and my awesome roommate, Ashli, getting drinks for our Wonka visitors.

I realize I haven't written about Ashli, and I should.
She is a good friend and person to live.
She puts up with my crazy.





Some of the audience. We had the place packed out!!
People were sitting in the balcony!

Here are my fabulous Juniors two stepping to a hip/hop version of 'Pure Imagination'.

Oh man.

This was the best and worst part of the evening.

Every other group did a lip dub/ choreographed dance to the movie while it was playing in the background.

We muted the movie, played some crazy audio of the song while rapping/singing the words.

Major problem: we didn't know the words.

Major problem number 2: most of us don't have rhythm or soul.

and. are. awkward.

But it was sooo funny. train wreck and i was laughing the entire time..

Um this is me rapping my portion of pure imagination

Of course, I killed it.

Naturally.

The seniors did 'I've got a Golden Ticket'

Sophomores did the Candy Man song

and we had some of our freshman volunteer to be OOMPA LOOMPAS!!!

They did amazing and definitely stole the show.

So proud of Chole, Briane, and Suzanne!

I'm partial to my Juniors though.

This group of people is so much fun. :)

And then clean-up began, with me being a little slap-happy because of lack of sleep and the excitement of one more responsibility being completed.

I was really excited to find out I was a "good egg"

To all of you haters and doubters out there. . here's the proof.

But things turned around really quickly. . .:(

Not sure what we were doing here. But this picture scares me and makes me laugh at the same time.




And, if Willy Wonka wasn't creepy enough to begin with. . .

Bee Tea Dubs, I'm really excited about this season that highlights friends and family and thanks. . .because these are the kinds of moments and people I am thankful for.

My phone is off of silent.

So lately I've been thinking a lot about "calls". About my calling. About what it means to be called.

This semester has been one of me constantly asking myself, and asking the Lord what am I supposed to be doing? Am I called to be an accountant? Really? Why would the Lord give me desires of ministering overseas and to students at camp, if my purpose was to sit in a corporation and do taxes?

Or, am I being selfish. What if I am called to minister to my co-workers, to people who don't have much respect for those who aren't academic in their field of study. What if I am meant to live my life working a secular job and allowing the Lord to use my skills in accounting to glorify Him? Am I running from that call because I think it's boring, and difficult?

I've just started reading "Is God Calling Me" by Jeff Iorg. I found the book on my bookshelf, and remembered I had never read it. Dr. Iorg defines a call as "a profound impression from God that establishes parameters for your life and can be altered only by a subsequent, superseding impression from God."

Yea, he's a little wordy and likes to impress people with his vocab, but basically what the good Dr. is saying is that God leads us, pushes us, directs us, shows us, urges us tons of times but that a call is a rare event that is profound. He goes on to talk about the parameters that being called sets, and that this call can't be changed without another, different call from the Lord.

Dr. Iorg mainly focuses on the calling to serve in Ministry Leadership and then the specific call to ministry assignment.

But we, as Christians, are all called to serve others and share the gospel.

"I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit--just as you were called to one hope when you were called--one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. "

-Ephesians 4:1-5

So, I brought the question up to my small group last night--and I love how the Lord is so sovereign--always. It seemed as though the question related to everyone in the room in a special way. (unfortunately some of this is secondhand because I had to leave early)...

I had two new students there that I had been praying for, and inviting for several weeks. They seemed to connect and shared their stories about how they felt called to specific things and how recently both of them changed majors.

My good friend, Jessica, shared about her very recent call. My friend feels called to missions and I am so happy for her. She has been walking around bubbly for a few weeks about this, and I am excited to see what the Lord does with her enthusiasm.

My small group really deserves a blog of its own. . .the last few weeks we've had some really deep, meaningful discussions about things like Grace and Justice. If you knew the people, you would never expect that they would come together and connect. But it's SO beautiful. I feel as though sometimes I get so focused on my small piece of this world that I forget that the Lord's kingdom is so vast, and His people are all so different. And we all can come together with a common unity. And that is what I have felt my small group has been like the last few weeks. So many differences but they all serve to make the group better.

-

We are all serving, loving, and attempting to live a life worthy of our call.

---

So where that leaves me, I'm not sure. I got good sleep last night and woke up today feeling refreshed for the first time in a long time. I still don't know what's going to happen and what the Lord wants me to do. But I know that He knows and that's enough for me right now. I'm thankful for my small group and the love He shows me through them, and His patience with this slow American who likes to know things and have a firm grasp on reality.

-

Today He gave me this gift on Pandora, and I'm copying the lyrics. Sovereign. Always.

-

None But Jesus, Hillsong

-

In the quiet, in the stillness

I know that You are God

In the secret of Your presence

I know there I am restored

-

When you call I won't refuse

Each new day again I'll choose

-

There is no one else for me

None but Jesus

Crucified to set me free

Now I live to bring Him praise

-

In the chaos, in confusion

I know You're Sovereign still

In the moment of my weakness

You give me grace to do Your will

-

When You call I won't delay

This my song through all my days

-

All my delight is in You Lord

All of my hope, all of my strength

All my delight is in You Lord Forevermore

-

Bee Tea Dubs, my phone is off of silent so I'm listening and waiting for the call.

Perfectly Imperfect.

Unconditional happiness.

Or maybe conditionally because of what has already happened at the cross--nonetheless. . not letting current circumstances affect my joy. A challenge. A struggle. A goal, and a focus.

Discipline.

I don't go to bed on time or wake up on time. I don't exercise or eat like I should. I spend too much time on Facebook and, although I study a lot, if I spent my time in my books more focused it would take a lot less time. Channeling my creative moments into projects that achieve goals rather than hinder me from accomplishing tasks.

Things I need to work on.

Relationships.

Wanting to invest in people without ulterior motives. . (e.g. How can I get these people to work with me, how can I get them involved in my small group). . fighting off selfishness and fighting for building other people up, encouraging them and challenging them in love.

Control.

Being okay with the lack of it in my life. Controlling the things I should (e.g. my temper, my attitude, my focus) and letting go of the things I can't (e.g. my future job, people)

Language.

Making sure the things I say build people up rather than breaking them down. Making sure that my words don't counter-act my actions and vise versa.

Pride.

The need for being right, and having people know I am right. The longing for affirmation from others. Caring so much about how people view me, what their thoughts are.

Fear

Of failure, of rejection, of weakness, of offending people. Not letting these things affect my calling. Reminding myself that the Lord has a history of using imperfections of silly people.

----

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
--2 Corinthians 12: 9-10

My Joy and my Delight

So when I was a freshman I had some pretty amazing friends who happened to be seniors. . They took me on trips to see plays and hung out with me and we cooked dinner together and made fun of cheesy movies and also had college football Saturdays. They just made my college transition a whole lot easier and I got to laugh a lot during the process.

One of them led my small group which was full of other new students who have become some of my closest friends. God definitely was in those friendships and in those moments of joy with some ladies who took the time to care about me and my life even though they didn't know me that well.

Those girls graduated and are in various places around the country and I get the opportunity to chill with them on rare occasion but I am still very thankful for the time we shared my freshman year and the impact they had on my life.

So tonight a group of my friends and I threw together a movie night with a bunch of the new students that we've met through small groups. . we were supposed to watch this movie Vernon. Vernon is a documentary on a small town in Florida and basically the best ever. It's just a bunch of interviews with old people from the town--you know the typical townies .. .pet opossums, sand in jars, worm farmers, and those two old guys who just sit down by the soda shop. It's a real jewel. However, due to some technical difficulties we could watch the classic, so we turned to a random option which led to a rather disturbing experience. . .but I know the Lord was in that too because we definitely bonded over the strange story unfolding on the screen.

We laughed and went to McDonalds for cheep ice cream only to run into a few townies of our own dressed in their finest. . leprechauns, pirates, and a few female characters that were unidentifiable. Then we went back to watch Aristocats--which I forgot how fun Disney movies are.

Tonight really reminded me of some of the times a couple years ago, but now I'm fulfilling a different role. It's so beautiful how the Lord allows people to change and still to be blessed. This year I have been blessed with the responsibility and opportunity to assume some leadership in small groups, and tonight I was blessed with blossoming friendships because of that leadership.


Bee Tea Dubs. . my prayer tonight. . .

"Send forth your light and your truth,

let them guide me;

let them bring me to your holy

mountain,

to the place where you dwell.

Then will I go to the altar of God,

to God, my joy and my delight."

-Psalm 43:3-4

Leavin' on a jetplane.

I once joked that this was the map of my heart.

If that were the case my heart would be complete.

California and Tennessee

HERE I COME.

Bee Tea Dubs, I can't wait to see my friends this December!

Back to the Future.

so this weekend was fall break for my school! whoo hoo. I was so happy to get a few days off campus (for the first time all semester--which is crazy!).

This was exciting for many reasons:

I got to visit with my grandparents. If you know much about me you've probably heard me talk about my grandparents. I love them a lot, a lot. . and I have a ton of respect for them--and I have an especially close relationship with my grandfather. One of my favorite people and I have so much respect for him.

The last time I saw him it was saddening because its difficult when you see people you love begin the slow fade from their personality, from their mental and physical stability, and ultimately from this world.

I was overjoyed to find my grandparents (overall) in much better condition during my visit. My grandfather had his sense of humor back (one that I SO enjoy) and t0 hear him and my grandmother be able to reminise on memories of my childhood and on thier childhood and just hear funny stories. Oh, man I love those people a lot.

Plus, the intense napping session we all had on Thursday was much needed and welcomed.

---

Friday I got the chance to visit with my friend Danielle. Danielle has been my best friend since the 6th grade and we've seen a lot together for sure. I love her company and she and I always get to laugh a lot together. (we also get to have a bunch of 'real' conversations that make my heart happy regardless of whether they are difficult questions or not).

We went to a really neat restaurant in Gainesville and I loved the atmosphere there. There was a junk museum and I just loved the hippyness. . .I'm glad my friend knows how weird I am and catered to that in her choice of restaurants.

water fountain statue thingy made out of random junk was a highlight for sure.

We also got to go to Gator Growl. . which was. . .overrated. . and we almost vomited on from a college student who had had his fair share of certain strong beverage choices.
But I love football, so I love just being in that stadium.
sidenote: I passed Steve Addazio on the way into Gator Growl and resisted the very real urge to boo him and tell him to start packing his bags. . .


Anyway, time with my friend is always too short but I'm thankful for getting to see her and visit her and add some more fun stories to the list . .or book rather of our friendship.

---

Friday night my parents came into town with my younger sister. I love my family and I rarely get to see them during the year because of distance which is something I find myself randomly still adjusting to sometimes.

We shared lots of laughs that night and its fun to see how family dynamics change as we (my sister and I) get older. Just fun times.

---

My sister had some social plans for Saturday, but my parents and I got to have lunch with one of my mentors and friends, Ms. Louise.

Ms. Louise deserves a blog of her own. I could go on and on about how the Lord has blessed my life through her wisdom and her compassion for people. She recently underwent surgery for cancer and is in the process of recovery.

We picked up my favorite Chinese restaurant food and brought it over to her house, where we sat and talked for probably 3 hours, prayed, laughed, cried, and enjoied each others company before leaving to let her get some rest.

---

Today was Homecoming at my grandparent's church. (My grandfather is a pastor at a small, country church in Lulu, FL. . yes.. that's right. . Lulu.)

Again, this church deserves a whole blog of its own. . a comedic blog. And I'm not sure many people unfamilar with country people would grasp the atmosphere I would describe. Anyway.

That was great--I got to laugh at a singer who sang some song to the tune of the YMCA. and I about died in my seat. literally.

Then, another man and his family sand Beulah Land--which was beautiful. I kind of chuckled because I had just had a conversation about how country churches pretty much sing this song as a special every week. But it was great and the message reminded me that all things work for those who are called according to His purpose.

Plus, dinner on the grounds = delish. (yea, "delish")

---

This town (not Lulu, but the neighboring town) was the town I grew up in, so it's always strange (i use this word because I'm not really sure what word to use to describe the emotions) to go visit. I pass by my old high and middle school, by the house that I grew up in, by my old friend's house, by softball fields where I spent pretty much every summer for 6 years. I pass by my old church building, and I visit friends that remind me of so many stories.

I sit at Ms. Louise's kitchen counter like I have done years before and look outside to a tire swing that I used to do extreme stunts on with my youth group and walk past a bedroom that I slept in for 3 Disciple Nows.

I talk to my grandparents who have those same favorite stories they tell you about yourself over and over and become your favorites too.

And you see your sister as a senior in high school, and your house has new people in it, and you barely recognize people you haven't seen in years and most of your friends don't live there anymore, and entire shopping centers have been torn down and just silly little things.

And a lot of emotion just hits me in the face. And i'm thrown into this odd feeling of nostaliga mixed with other things and it begins to put you into this haze that feelings do when they are given more power than they should have.

And the Beauty of the situation is that my God is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

The God of my years in that town and with those people is the same God who took me to Tennessee and blessed me with new friends from all over, and the God who is in control of my school and my friendships here, and the God of my future--whatever that may be.

To be so blessed. By memories, by long-distance friendships, by quality time with my favorite 92 year old and 82 year olds, and my family. (CRAZY BLESSED!)

---

bee tea dubs, thank You, Lord, for my past, my present, and, Oh Lord, thank you for what you are going to do...tomorrow, next month, and in the indefinite future.

and the Wisdom to distinguish.

So yesterday I sat out in the quad for a while and of course used possible future blogs as a way to avoid reading finance. So things to look forward to. . ."things I can't forget when/if I'm not poor". . ."Little Treasures". . ."Discipline". . ."the therapy of refurbishing furniture"

And more. Hopefully with more interesting titles and a little more creativity.

But today, I wanted to write about something that I've just had a duh moment with. Or just had a connection with. Or maybe finally just took the time to apply to my life and read with understanding.

"God, give us grace to accept with serenity

the things that cannot be changed.

Courage to change the things

which should be changed,

and the Wisdom to distinguish

the one from the other.

Living one day at a time.

Enjoying one moment at a time,

Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,

Taking, as Jesus did,

This sinful world as it is,

Not as I would have it,

Trusting that You will make all things right,

If I surrender to Your will,

So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,

And supremely happy with You forever in the next.

Amen."

-Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971)

The words of the prayer can really speak for themselves. But just thought I'd share with you what's been on my heart today.


Bee tea dubs, this is my prayer today.

Vespers

Bee Tea Dubs, this is a monologue that I will be reading for a Vespers service in November on worship...enjoy.

I consider myself a jovial person, most of the time.

My favorite thing to do is share laughter with people

I sometimes fall into a trap of doing silly things for the sake of a laugh

---

This summer I worked at a camp

I got to work with a bunch of sixth, seventh and eighth graders in a bible study

Another responsibility I had was running lights backstage.

---

As a child I was very empathetic to people.

Funny thing about children is that, in most cases, they haven’t been tainted by a lot of nasty real world things like lies, betrayal, deception, and hate.

I’m not saying I was a great kid

Because I could share plenty of stories about how I whined and complained, was selfish and petty.

But sometimes I would get a glimpse of other’s pain, and feel for them.

---

I spent a lot of time at the church growing up, whether for extra programs, meetings, going to work with dad days, or normal activities—I was in the building a lot.

A perk of being there so often was in knowing the secret passages, the best hiding places.

If I wanted to get away.

I could.

---

The Hebrew word for worship is Shachah

Which literally means to depress, bow down, crouch, or humbly beseech.

To do reverence.

---

My parents had a great idea of going on a big family road trip when I was ten years old.

It was really well planned—maps, notebooks, audio tour CD’s, activities and surprises along the way

Being in a car with an 8 year old, and a hyperactive 10 year old for 7 hours out of a normal travel day was ambitious of my parents-- and I have a lot of respect for them for taking the family on the road for an entire month.

The trip was later referred to as the infamous, “Varnum Family Adventure”.

---

I’m reading a book entitled “Living the Cross centered Life, Keeping the Gospel the Main Thing” by CJ Mahaney.

I’ve love it, and hate it.

Love it because it has been such a great reminder of the central aspect of my faith, the picture of the fully righteous giving Himself up for a perfectly imperfect person like me—it has challenged me to be fully aware of this in every aspect of my life.

I’ve hated it because it has challenged me in by pointing out some of my many flaws.

My pride, being the main component in them.

---

One of my best friends had a very difficult couple of years

Her younger brother, then only 13 years old, was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer

And a few years after, her parents began what would be a nasty divorce.

I would spend a lot of time with her unsure of what to say.

Do I talk, do I stay silent?

Do I avoid the subject, or should I be direct?

---

I had never flown in a plane before.

If you know much about me, you know that I like the knowns.

So days before I went on this trip, I wanted to know exactly how an airport worked.

I wanted to know of anything that could come up so that I could better prepare for it.

I began looking up airport maps and video tours.

My first time flying was going to be alone.

For over 24 hours total

And to a different country.

I was scared.

---

When I was about 15 I started playing the guitar.

I think that playing guitar is one of those things that every teenager/young adult goes through a phase of wanting to do.

I caught on pretty quickly and with the help of some friends I learned enough chords to play some praise and worship songs.

Soon I was on the youth praise band and participated in leading worship for my youth group.

Oh, the glory days.

---

There are several different Greek words for worship.

The first is Proskuneo which is translated as to kiss like a dog licking his master’s hand.

To crouch in homage

This is used 59 times in the New Testament.

The second is ito, which means to hold in awe.

This is used 10 times in the New Testament

The third and final Greek word for worship is Latreuo which means to render religious service or homage.

In English, worship means literally to ascribe worth to something.

---

It took some getting used to sitting backstage every night.

I wanted to see people, to see my bible study students and to see my friends in the band who played.

Instead all I could see were about 5-10 students in various places in the auditorium.

And I could see the backside of the left projector screen.

Other than that, things were pretty dark.

---

The first few days on the road weren’t that bad. We had games and there was the beginning of the trip excitement.

But by the end of the first week my sister and I needed some other people to talk to.

And those people weren’t existent.

So, things became a little irritable.

Looking back, I’m pretty sure Mom intended those towels to be used if we were cold—instead we made a wall in the middle of the Explorer and had separate rooms in the backseat.

Don’t cross the line.

---

The first plane took off from Panama city and was a puddle jumper—claustrophobia here we come.

I had about 10 minutes to make it to my connection flight and found myself taking a quick-stepping-jog across the Memphis airport, making it just in time.

My luggage wasn’t so lucky.

LA was next, and after landing at around 12am PCT, I found myself on a hotel tram and finally in a suite waiting on my roommate from Oklahoma that I had never met.

Training was tomorrow, and then the next day a flight to Hong Kong.

---

My mom told me a story of a time when we were in the car and we past a man asking for food.

We were on our way to McDonald’s for a lunch.

I got my happy meal and wanted to give it to the man.

My mom couldn’t say no to me.

We bought an extra one and gave it to him.

---

In his book, Mahaney points out 3 things that prevent people from living a cross-centered life.

Subjectivism, Legalism, and Condemnation.

Subjectivism, meaning how we base our view of God on our changing feelings and emotions.

Condemnation meaning being more focused on our sin than on God’s grace,

And finally Legalism

Basing our relationship with God on our own performance.

---

A couple of years ago I felt like death surrounded me.

Two of my cousins died in a house fire

And about 2 months afterward, my great aunt died after a long battle with cancer.

Walking into the church for her funeral, and feeling the odd sense of déjà vu after having been there only months before was so emotional for my entire family.

Especially for my grandfather. This was his younger sister—he had spoken at his niece’s funeral, and at his younger brother’s funeral before. He was struggling with this own health too.

This was just as Chris Tomlin came out with his “I will Rise” song and it was playing as we were all walking into the sanctuary.

There were pictures on the TV screens in the front with a bunch of pictures of my great aunt and our family.

As I sat, a thought occurred to me.

---

“Come , let us sing for joy to the Lord;

Let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation.

Let us come before him with thanksgiving and extol him with music and song.

For the Lord is the great God, the great King above all gods.

In his hand are the depths of the earth, and the mountain peeks belong to him.

The sea is his, for he made it, and his hands formed the dry land.

Come, let us bow down in worship, let us kneel before the Lord our Maker;

For he is our God and we are the people of his pasture, the flock under his care.

-Pslam 95:1-7

---

A confession: while I genuinely loved playing the guitar and singing

I also loved getting attention from the boy who led the praise band.

Who also played the guitar

You know how middle school love goes.

You know that song Beautiful One?. . it was definitely me he was singing to.

And our two part harmony was so symbolic of our undying love and everlasting commitment to each other.

We were so cool.

So Cool.

---

Once in Hong Kong, my team separated from our group and after another day of travel we arrived in our host city.

We took some cultural courses, and met some friends who were a tremendous help.

We were able to throw some Christmas parties and teach about the holiday that was very removed from their culture.

Christmas morning we met with our friends, and read the story of Jesus’ birth. They read us the story in their language.

We then talked about Christ’s life.

And death.

It will be a Christmas I will never forget.

---

About a week and a half in the trip we arrived at the Grand Canyon.

I was ten when we took this trip, but the memory of the Grand Canyon still takes my breath away.

The purples, and reds, and oranges, and depths and heights, and bigness.

Amazement.

No, I’m not going to make a cheesy metaphor about how the gap between the ridges of the Grand Canyon and the gap between us and God because of our sin relates to each other—mostly because these distances don’t even compare.

But I was ten. I knew little about a lot of things.

But this was beauty.

This was God.

---

Come, thou Fount of every blessing,

Tune my heart to sing thy Grace;

Streams of mercy, never ceasing,

Call for songs of loudest praise.

Teach me some melodious sonnet,

Sung by flaming tongues above.

Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,

Mount of thy redeeming love.

---

As the pictures flashed on the screen, and we walked down to our pew

I saw lots of love, lots of sacrifice,

Tons of servant-hood

And my thought?

Worship.

---

Finally I asked my friend what I could do.

What she wanted me to do to help her through the divorce, through the cancer through the pain and grief

Out of all the things she could have responded, I wasn’t expecting her answer.

To Laugh.

Like I said, I consider myself a funny person.

I am goofy and, at my expense, a lot of people laugh when they are around me.

But all I wanted to do was cry for her. Cry with her.

---

“Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise—the fruit of lips that confess his name.” –Hebrews 13:15

---

Camp this summer was strenuous for many reasons

The schedule, the emotional/spiritual load

And the physical exhaustion after each day.

It had only been one week when I completely lost my voice.

Apparently, my vocal chords weren’t at the level that my excitement was during recreation and celebrations.

I was silenced.

---

Mahaney explains the vision of variety shows where a person would balance 8 plates on a stick and keep them spinning simultaneously. The man would have to run around to each plate before it slowed and fell and this would require lots of work and concentration and looked nearly impossible.

He compared this to how legalism can hijack a Christian.

The plates can be our Bible reading, prayer, sharing the gospel—good things and vital things when pursued for the right reasons,

But when we allow the shift from what God intends as a means of experiencing grace into a means of earning grace the point of these activities is lost.

---

The other day I was sitting with a friend reading in the park.

The weather was perfect, and not a cloud in sight.

We had had a discussion about the blue sky and the how you felt like you could just reach your hand up and grab a piece of it.

Yea, I know.

We’re hippies.

A few minutes later a flock of birds came by in a V formation.

Which sparked my 2-year-old mindset.

Why do birds do that?

I mean, I know that the obvious answer is that it’s more aerodynamic.

We continued the discussion and my friend began telling me about how they take turns being the leader and having to face the brunt of the wind.

Thoughts that followed—God, you’re pretty stinkin’ awesome.

Worship.

---

The day after Christmas we went over to our host’s home.

We sang a little and just shared about what our Father had been doing in our lives.

We shared past experiences, and current difficulties.

We laughed and then began talking of our experience in their country and I began crying (as usual)

The host started talking about obedience.

“The only outcome God really calls us to is obedience.”

Worship.

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“For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in., I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.

Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirst and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.”

-Matthew 25:34-40

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My grandfather is one of my favorite people.

He and his younger sister had a lot in common.

Their lives are a reflection of what they were freely given.

My granddaddy loves on people from all different backgrounds,

He is not ashamed of what Christ has done for him, and lives with the joy and peace of his salvation.

His encouragement in my life and in his family and friend’s lives, and his servant’s heart have been an 80 year-long act of worship.

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One of the things I am most proud about is my academic work ethic.

I stay up for hours studying.

Striving for perfection.

Wanting to keep a certain GPA.

Mostly because I have a plan. I want to do A, B, and C to accomplish D, E, and F and get H, J, and I.

To be successful. To be accomplished.

Worship.

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So sitting backstage I had the opportunity to sit and read the words on the projector in front of me.

I could not sing.

I was silenced.

Even had I had a voice.

I was silenced by the words.

“Heal my heart and make it clean

Open up my eyes to the things unseen

Show me how to love like you have loved me.

Break my heart for what breaks yours.

Everything I have for your kingdom cause.

As I walk from Earth into Eternity”

Worship.

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So every Wednesday I got up on stage.

I sang words on pitch, and played the guitar better each week.

I stood up there knowing God, and loving God.

But loving myself more.

Worship.

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“Therefore I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. For the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.

Just as each of us has one body with many members belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man’s gift is prophesying let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.

Romans 12:1-8

Worship

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So after a couple of minutes of me trying to think of something witty to say my friend broke the silence recalling a time when I had publically embarrassed myself.

We started laughing.

And then spent the better part of a class period recounting our favorite funny memories of each other.

And laughing.

And loving each other.

Worship.

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A couple of months ago I was feeling very convicted about not sharing my faith with one of my closest friends.

I was scared to create an awkward situation.

And although she knew about my faith, I had never talked about it with her.

And I prayed that I would be given the strength and an opportunity to share.

Not really knowing what I meant by that.

That night we had a long conversation about faith, and God and our beliefs.

It was great.
I actually felt a lot closer to her as a friend being able to share something that is the biggest part of my life..if you can give faith only a piece of your life..(I’m sure this wording isn’t religiously correct but you get my drift)

Worship

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Back to legalism and Mahaney

Mahaeny defines legalism as seeking to achieve forgiveness from God and justification before God through obedience to God.

Mahaney quotes Thomas Schreiner, who says “legalism has its origin I self-worship. If people are justified through their obedience to the law, then they merit praise, honor, and glory.

Legalism, in other words, means the glory goes to people rather than God.”

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In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm

What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

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I have a purple piece of construction paper on my wall in my room.

One of the activities we did half-way through camp was write down some of the words that we felt like were things we had seen, learned, or felt.

On that paper are words like

Challenged.

Emptied.

Encouraged.

Grace.

Faithfulness.

Significantly Insignificant

Surrender

Silenced

Blessed.

Awestruck.

When I wrote those words and when I think back on those words.

Worship.

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Praise the one who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead.

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“And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them saying, “This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me.”

-Luke 22:19

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O to grace how great a debtor

Daily I’m constrained to be!

Let thy goodness, like a fetter,

Bind my wandering heart to thee.

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,

Prone to leave the God I love;

Here’s my heart, Lord take and seal it,

Seal it for thy courts above.

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Worship is not about circumstance, because by definition it is not about us.

It is, inherently selfless.

We worship by serving one another,

Through fear, we worship with obedience to our call.

We worship ourselves when we look for glory and praise in our accomplishments, and live legalistically.

We can worship our friendships, our relationships, our successes, accomplishments, money, fame.

We can worship our schedules, calendars and our appointments.

We can worship our plans.

We worship in and through every emotion

Humbled by the greatness of a God who created Grand Canyons and Mountains, and sunsets and sunrises, and birds that fly in “V” formations.

Excited for friendships and opportunities and blessings.

We worship, Thankful of the Grace that surrounds us and covers us each day.

We worship, in frustration and grief, to a God who makes us more than conquerors. And who a God who is close to the brokenhearted. To our Counselor, and our friend.

We worship through our loving relationships with our family, and complete strangers—no matter how lovable they are..

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And we look back on stories, on moments with friends, on scripture, on lyrics, on blessings, and struggles and read ridiculously long stories at Vespers to friends—and this, too, is worship.

Because we give the glory to Him who was in control of them all, and who was present in every moment, and who’s Grace covered every moment.

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And hopefully, through all of these things one day the pictures of our life flashing on a screen for an audience of One, will be….

Worship.