With a month and a half of clarity (that's a joke), I feel like I'm qualified to readdress the transition that I'm currently undergoing.
I don't think it takes the readers of this blog very long to know that I don't have much relationship experience. (Considering the fact that the people who read this blog are all my friends and know personally this information, I'm very confident about the prior statement.) I don't know much about love and haven't felt the sting of pain that is lost love either. That is, until May 12, 2012.
I have experienced my first heartbreak.
Before you get too excited (not that any of you have jumped to any conclusions or anything because, again, you all know me too personally) I should say that my lost love is college.
After four years of building a relationship, giving my mind, body and soul to the experience (maybe I should have used different words there?! oops.) I had to walk away.
Correction, I was forced to walk away. Because college broke up with me, not the other way around. After a rocky start, things heated up pretty quickly and we never looked back. That's not to say there weren't hard times. But college and I, we didn't give up on each other--we worked through them. We stayed up together all night in the library fighting it out and we had great make-up QT in the quad afterward.
In all seriousness. Driving away from my home that I loved so much (and still love) I actually said out loud "ouch". For the first time I thought I felt my heart physically hurting. I wondered, "Is this heartbreak?"
After talking to Jessica during one of our weekend wrap-ups I confirmed my symptoms. This was heartbreak, alright...and of the worst degree.
Now obviously I'm not that attached to just the name of the university I attended, nor even the education I received for that matter. But just like any "real" love story, there was a romeo and juliet and the experience (and mainly the people who created it) captivated me with its charm. (I hope you got the sarcasm RE: romeo...I couldn't even leave the possibility that you might misread that as me romanticizing. )
And then after sadness there was a kind of anger/jealousy about the fact that it's moving on without me. How could it treat me like we "never loved at all?" How can it do that--just act like we never happened. Here I am wasting so much wasted energy wishing that it'd come back to me, but it doesn't give me a second thought?!
Every song that comes on the radio reminds me of a memory we shared or a significant event in our relationship.
I still go to sleep at night still reminiscing on the "good times". And I wonder what the statue of limitations is on being able to do that without being completely lame.
Sigh, Must've been love. But it's over now.
