Have a little Faith

This semester, along with the normal load of accounting classes I'm auditing a Religious Studies seminar called "The Dynamics of Faith". Don't worry, I'm not that much of an over-achiever. I was roped into this, and partially out of my own pride and partially out of curiosity I don't want to back out now.

The professor taught both of my parents when they were students here and he's already made it clear that embarrassing me is on his top list of things to do in his last year teaching. He's a sassy one. Very dry/sarcastic and you, no matter how perceptive you may be, can fully read him nor predict where he's going next. His personality is both elusive and intriguing and makes the class a heart attack and a half.

The first assignment was to write about "what concerns you about Faith?"

Aside from the fact that this question is very vague and can be interpreted in many different ways, it sparked some interesting conversation this week. Hot topics of my paper were:

• The historical use of faith to create boundaries and barriers between people of different genders, races, ethnic groups, etc.
• The use religion, masqueraded as faith, as a means to gain personal power
• Self-centered faith. (God bless America for example)
• "one-size-fits-all" faith.

and then things get more personal, some things discussed among students that are also in the class:

• the fear of becoming comfortable and stagnant in my faith
• the fear that my definition of faith isn't the same as God's definition and therefore that I lack faith.
• fear of loosing my faith
• the degree of faith we put in material things, relationships, etc. ---what's acceptable, what's not?

Good questions, great conversation. So I pose to you--what concerns you about faith?

How to Love

Not the typical post you'll see on this blog....

Heard this song on the radio this summer, just got around to watching the video. It's pretty powerful. Unfortunately real stuff people deal with everyday.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

-1 Corinthians 13:4-6

Some thing in the previous blog reminded me of this.

Summer of Healing

At the beginning of the summer I made a challenge to myself to make this summer the "Summer of Discipline." This challenge included healthy eating/exercising habits, daily quiet time with the Lord (including elements of prayer and Scripture meditation), diligent work ethic, positive attitude, and a regular sleep schedule (normal beditme=10:00pm)

I would urge you to look me up on twitter and peruse the "#SummerOfDiscipline" tags to see what some of my fun and no so fun moments of the learning experience were.

But as I sit and think about what this summer has really been about, Discipline is not the first word that comes to my mind. I don't think that it was the end, but maybe the means. The first word I thought of when reflecting on the summer was (assuming you've read the title this shouldn't come as a shocker) "healing".

I think back to May--I was in a bad place. I felt out of control and lost within myself. Scared of a summer job and new living situation. Bitter about what I chose as my summer plan. Lonely in unfamiliar territory. Angry that I wasn't more grateful at what I had been given. Easily frustrated. Anti-social. Depressed. And the list goes on.

Where strong emotion once dictated my attitude/actions/thoughts/decisions, now stands the discipline to refuse to be enslaved.

Last fall when I sat in a dark dorm room crying for the Lord to make it clear what decision I should make about this summer He heard me. He answered my prayer. It wasn't the answer I wanted. I let doubt edge its way into my life and shy-ed away at going to the true Source of Wisdom. I wanted an easy way out.

Hindsight is 20/20. Camp for me this summer would've been a mistake. I was not in a good place to be ministering to students and to be working with staff. I was broken. I needed healing.

After 12 weeks of barely any internet, no TV, regular sleeping hours, a healthy exercising routine and eating habits, and a full work schedule I feel so different than 3 months prior. Couple the previous list with the fact that most of my friends were busy with opposite schedules and it made for the perfect Kaylyn rehab.

Less. Is. More.

The Lord stripped away a lot of things in my life weighing me down, and left me with so much more.

I'm so thankful for a God who knows what's best for me and forgives me for my short memory. It was only a year before that I had been stressing about a summer at a church camp--worried that the people there might try to suck the fun out of my soul or something like that. . . .only for August to come leaving me friendships that I'll treasure forever.

I feel different. In a way that's hard to describe. Free would be a good word--free from dependencies I had once let myself become enslaved to. Resolved would be another--resolved to continue to monitor the role that my emotions have in my life, and to continue to actively pursue discipline. Peaceful.

I'm a little apprehensive about returning to the real world of distractions and technology. It's kinda like celebrity rehab or something. (or maybe not at all.)

There's that short term memory loss acting up again.

Tomorrow will be the end of the Summer of Discipline, the end of my internship, and the end of my stay with the Edwards. While I may or may not shed a few tears on my drive, I'm definitely thankful that the Healing will continue.