The brief:
--I graduated college
--I'm in a CPA class
--I'm reading Tina Fey's "Bossypants"
The little-more-than-brief:
--I got the chance to spend four years in a protected environment where I could pursue higher education and higher purpose. I was able learn more about love in the way a group of people came together from diverse backgrounds and chose to accept and chose to invite others to belong..I learned that God is in everyone. When I'm talking to people, I'm talking to God. That has forever changed how I treat people that are different than me, and just how I treat people in general. I'm forever grateful for that lesson. I appreciate the ability to walk away knowing a lot less than when I was dropped off four years ago. Funny how the image of how the chapter started and ended was very similar: me in sunglasses crying. But the reality of the situation was so much different. I am walking away not only a more educated person in the way of my discipline, but more importantly in a deeper understanding of who I am and who I want to be.
“I could not have known then that everybody, every person, has to leave, has to change like seasons; they have to or they die. The seasons remind me that I must keep changing.” -Donald Miller
--I thought that this experience would be the most exhausting, challenging, and futile situation. I also thought I would be a complete emotional mess from leaving so many people that I love so dearly and my "home". But this week has been oddly peaceful. Don't get me wrong. I get up at 7:30 every morning, begin studying and don't stop until 10 or 11 (leaving an hour for lunch and dinner). And I've done that for 5 days straight. So mentally, and physically--I'm exhausted. But the work has proved rewarding, and it genuinely feels good to have a goal and feel focused.
Now we could get into the details about how I'm a control freak and since it is overly-apparent that I am not in control in any aspect of my life right now, I am trying to control the one thing I can. Or how I'm using my work to run from dealing with grief and change. We could go there, but we won't. (And now you can add denial to the list.)
--Tina is just funny. And insightful. I reserved my bedside table for my "personal" items so that I'd remind myself that I am human. There sits Ellen, Tina, and Betty along with my Dawson's Creek Collection, owl stationary in an Owl, and a small orange porcelain dwarf man. We won't talk about what this says about who I am. I've read 80 pages of Tina despite the fact that I'm reading all day long. I get excited about where my life could end up when I look at my desk of funnies. One day I'll be brave enough to use my funny to be insightful instead of using my funny to hide.
