Vespers

Bee Tea Dubs, this is a monologue that I will be reading for a Vespers service in November on worship...enjoy.

I consider myself a jovial person, most of the time.

My favorite thing to do is share laughter with people

I sometimes fall into a trap of doing silly things for the sake of a laugh

---

This summer I worked at a camp

I got to work with a bunch of sixth, seventh and eighth graders in a bible study

Another responsibility I had was running lights backstage.

---

As a child I was very empathetic to people.

Funny thing about children is that, in most cases, they haven’t been tainted by a lot of nasty real world things like lies, betrayal, deception, and hate.

I’m not saying I was a great kid

Because I could share plenty of stories about how I whined and complained, was selfish and petty.

But sometimes I would get a glimpse of other’s pain, and feel for them.

---

I spent a lot of time at the church growing up, whether for extra programs, meetings, going to work with dad days, or normal activities—I was in the building a lot.

A perk of being there so often was in knowing the secret passages, the best hiding places.

If I wanted to get away.

I could.

---

The Hebrew word for worship is Shachah

Which literally means to depress, bow down, crouch, or humbly beseech.

To do reverence.

---

My parents had a great idea of going on a big family road trip when I was ten years old.

It was really well planned—maps, notebooks, audio tour CD’s, activities and surprises along the way

Being in a car with an 8 year old, and a hyperactive 10 year old for 7 hours out of a normal travel day was ambitious of my parents-- and I have a lot of respect for them for taking the family on the road for an entire month.

The trip was later referred to as the infamous, “Varnum Family Adventure”.

---

I’m reading a book entitled “Living the Cross centered Life, Keeping the Gospel the Main Thing” by CJ Mahaney.

I’ve love it, and hate it.

Love it because it has been such a great reminder of the central aspect of my faith, the picture of the fully righteous giving Himself up for a perfectly imperfect person like me—it has challenged me to be fully aware of this in every aspect of my life.

I’ve hated it because it has challenged me in by pointing out some of my many flaws.

My pride, being the main component in them.

---

One of my best friends had a very difficult couple of years

Her younger brother, then only 13 years old, was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer

And a few years after, her parents began what would be a nasty divorce.

I would spend a lot of time with her unsure of what to say.

Do I talk, do I stay silent?

Do I avoid the subject, or should I be direct?

---

I had never flown in a plane before.

If you know much about me, you know that I like the knowns.

So days before I went on this trip, I wanted to know exactly how an airport worked.

I wanted to know of anything that could come up so that I could better prepare for it.

I began looking up airport maps and video tours.

My first time flying was going to be alone.

For over 24 hours total

And to a different country.

I was scared.

---

When I was about 15 I started playing the guitar.

I think that playing guitar is one of those things that every teenager/young adult goes through a phase of wanting to do.

I caught on pretty quickly and with the help of some friends I learned enough chords to play some praise and worship songs.

Soon I was on the youth praise band and participated in leading worship for my youth group.

Oh, the glory days.

---

There are several different Greek words for worship.

The first is Proskuneo which is translated as to kiss like a dog licking his master’s hand.

To crouch in homage

This is used 59 times in the New Testament.

The second is ito, which means to hold in awe.

This is used 10 times in the New Testament

The third and final Greek word for worship is Latreuo which means to render religious service or homage.

In English, worship means literally to ascribe worth to something.

---

It took some getting used to sitting backstage every night.

I wanted to see people, to see my bible study students and to see my friends in the band who played.

Instead all I could see were about 5-10 students in various places in the auditorium.

And I could see the backside of the left projector screen.

Other than that, things were pretty dark.

---

The first few days on the road weren’t that bad. We had games and there was the beginning of the trip excitement.

But by the end of the first week my sister and I needed some other people to talk to.

And those people weren’t existent.

So, things became a little irritable.

Looking back, I’m pretty sure Mom intended those towels to be used if we were cold—instead we made a wall in the middle of the Explorer and had separate rooms in the backseat.

Don’t cross the line.

---

The first plane took off from Panama city and was a puddle jumper—claustrophobia here we come.

I had about 10 minutes to make it to my connection flight and found myself taking a quick-stepping-jog across the Memphis airport, making it just in time.

My luggage wasn’t so lucky.

LA was next, and after landing at around 12am PCT, I found myself on a hotel tram and finally in a suite waiting on my roommate from Oklahoma that I had never met.

Training was tomorrow, and then the next day a flight to Hong Kong.

---

My mom told me a story of a time when we were in the car and we past a man asking for food.

We were on our way to McDonald’s for a lunch.

I got my happy meal and wanted to give it to the man.

My mom couldn’t say no to me.

We bought an extra one and gave it to him.

---

In his book, Mahaney points out 3 things that prevent people from living a cross-centered life.

Subjectivism, Legalism, and Condemnation.

Subjectivism, meaning how we base our view of God on our changing feelings and emotions.

Condemnation meaning being more focused on our sin than on God’s grace,

And finally Legalism

Basing our relationship with God on our own performance.

---

A couple of years ago I felt like death surrounded me.

Two of my cousins died in a house fire

And about 2 months afterward, my great aunt died after a long battle with cancer.

Walking into the church for her funeral, and feeling the odd sense of déjà vu after having been there only months before was so emotional for my entire family.

Especially for my grandfather. This was his younger sister—he had spoken at his niece’s funeral, and at his younger brother’s funeral before. He was struggling with this own health too.

This was just as Chris Tomlin came out with his “I will Rise” song and it was playing as we were all walking into the sanctuary.

There were pictures on the TV screens in the front with a bunch of pictures of my great aunt and our family.

As I sat, a thought occurred to me.

---

“Come , let us sing for joy to the Lord;

Let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation.

Let us come before him with thanksgiving and extol him with music and song.

For the Lord is the great God, the great King above all gods.

In his hand are the depths of the earth, and the mountain peeks belong to him.

The sea is his, for he made it, and his hands formed the dry land.

Come, let us bow down in worship, let us kneel before the Lord our Maker;

For he is our God and we are the people of his pasture, the flock under his care.

-Pslam 95:1-7

---

A confession: while I genuinely loved playing the guitar and singing

I also loved getting attention from the boy who led the praise band.

Who also played the guitar

You know how middle school love goes.

You know that song Beautiful One?. . it was definitely me he was singing to.

And our two part harmony was so symbolic of our undying love and everlasting commitment to each other.

We were so cool.

So Cool.

---

Once in Hong Kong, my team separated from our group and after another day of travel we arrived in our host city.

We took some cultural courses, and met some friends who were a tremendous help.

We were able to throw some Christmas parties and teach about the holiday that was very removed from their culture.

Christmas morning we met with our friends, and read the story of Jesus’ birth. They read us the story in their language.

We then talked about Christ’s life.

And death.

It will be a Christmas I will never forget.

---

About a week and a half in the trip we arrived at the Grand Canyon.

I was ten when we took this trip, but the memory of the Grand Canyon still takes my breath away.

The purples, and reds, and oranges, and depths and heights, and bigness.

Amazement.

No, I’m not going to make a cheesy metaphor about how the gap between the ridges of the Grand Canyon and the gap between us and God because of our sin relates to each other—mostly because these distances don’t even compare.

But I was ten. I knew little about a lot of things.

But this was beauty.

This was God.

---

Come, thou Fount of every blessing,

Tune my heart to sing thy Grace;

Streams of mercy, never ceasing,

Call for songs of loudest praise.

Teach me some melodious sonnet,

Sung by flaming tongues above.

Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,

Mount of thy redeeming love.

---

As the pictures flashed on the screen, and we walked down to our pew

I saw lots of love, lots of sacrifice,

Tons of servant-hood

And my thought?

Worship.

---

Finally I asked my friend what I could do.

What she wanted me to do to help her through the divorce, through the cancer through the pain and grief

Out of all the things she could have responded, I wasn’t expecting her answer.

To Laugh.

Like I said, I consider myself a funny person.

I am goofy and, at my expense, a lot of people laugh when they are around me.

But all I wanted to do was cry for her. Cry with her.

---

“Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise—the fruit of lips that confess his name.” –Hebrews 13:15

---

Camp this summer was strenuous for many reasons

The schedule, the emotional/spiritual load

And the physical exhaustion after each day.

It had only been one week when I completely lost my voice.

Apparently, my vocal chords weren’t at the level that my excitement was during recreation and celebrations.

I was silenced.

---

Mahaney explains the vision of variety shows where a person would balance 8 plates on a stick and keep them spinning simultaneously. The man would have to run around to each plate before it slowed and fell and this would require lots of work and concentration and looked nearly impossible.

He compared this to how legalism can hijack a Christian.

The plates can be our Bible reading, prayer, sharing the gospel—good things and vital things when pursued for the right reasons,

But when we allow the shift from what God intends as a means of experiencing grace into a means of earning grace the point of these activities is lost.

---

The other day I was sitting with a friend reading in the park.

The weather was perfect, and not a cloud in sight.

We had had a discussion about the blue sky and the how you felt like you could just reach your hand up and grab a piece of it.

Yea, I know.

We’re hippies.

A few minutes later a flock of birds came by in a V formation.

Which sparked my 2-year-old mindset.

Why do birds do that?

I mean, I know that the obvious answer is that it’s more aerodynamic.

We continued the discussion and my friend began telling me about how they take turns being the leader and having to face the brunt of the wind.

Thoughts that followed—God, you’re pretty stinkin’ awesome.

Worship.

---

The day after Christmas we went over to our host’s home.

We sang a little and just shared about what our Father had been doing in our lives.

We shared past experiences, and current difficulties.

We laughed and then began talking of our experience in their country and I began crying (as usual)

The host started talking about obedience.

“The only outcome God really calls us to is obedience.”

Worship.

---

“For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in., I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.

Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirst and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.”

-Matthew 25:34-40

---

My grandfather is one of my favorite people.

He and his younger sister had a lot in common.

Their lives are a reflection of what they were freely given.

My granddaddy loves on people from all different backgrounds,

He is not ashamed of what Christ has done for him, and lives with the joy and peace of his salvation.

His encouragement in my life and in his family and friend’s lives, and his servant’s heart have been an 80 year-long act of worship.

---

One of the things I am most proud about is my academic work ethic.

I stay up for hours studying.

Striving for perfection.

Wanting to keep a certain GPA.

Mostly because I have a plan. I want to do A, B, and C to accomplish D, E, and F and get H, J, and I.

To be successful. To be accomplished.

Worship.

---

So sitting backstage I had the opportunity to sit and read the words on the projector in front of me.

I could not sing.

I was silenced.

Even had I had a voice.

I was silenced by the words.

“Heal my heart and make it clean

Open up my eyes to the things unseen

Show me how to love like you have loved me.

Break my heart for what breaks yours.

Everything I have for your kingdom cause.

As I walk from Earth into Eternity”

Worship.

---

So every Wednesday I got up on stage.

I sang words on pitch, and played the guitar better each week.

I stood up there knowing God, and loving God.

But loving myself more.

Worship.

---

“Therefore I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. For the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.

Just as each of us has one body with many members belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man’s gift is prophesying let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.

Romans 12:1-8

Worship

---

So after a couple of minutes of me trying to think of something witty to say my friend broke the silence recalling a time when I had publically embarrassed myself.

We started laughing.

And then spent the better part of a class period recounting our favorite funny memories of each other.

And laughing.

And loving each other.

Worship.

---

A couple of months ago I was feeling very convicted about not sharing my faith with one of my closest friends.

I was scared to create an awkward situation.

And although she knew about my faith, I had never talked about it with her.

And I prayed that I would be given the strength and an opportunity to share.

Not really knowing what I meant by that.

That night we had a long conversation about faith, and God and our beliefs.

It was great.
I actually felt a lot closer to her as a friend being able to share something that is the biggest part of my life..if you can give faith only a piece of your life..(I’m sure this wording isn’t religiously correct but you get my drift)

Worship

---

Back to legalism and Mahaney

Mahaeny defines legalism as seeking to achieve forgiveness from God and justification before God through obedience to God.

Mahaney quotes Thomas Schreiner, who says “legalism has its origin I self-worship. If people are justified through their obedience to the law, then they merit praise, honor, and glory.

Legalism, in other words, means the glory goes to people rather than God.”

---

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm

What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

---

I have a purple piece of construction paper on my wall in my room.

One of the activities we did half-way through camp was write down some of the words that we felt like were things we had seen, learned, or felt.

On that paper are words like

Challenged.

Emptied.

Encouraged.

Grace.

Faithfulness.

Significantly Insignificant

Surrender

Silenced

Blessed.

Awestruck.

When I wrote those words and when I think back on those words.

Worship.

---

Praise the one who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead.

---

“And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them saying, “This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me.”

-Luke 22:19

---

O to grace how great a debtor

Daily I’m constrained to be!

Let thy goodness, like a fetter,

Bind my wandering heart to thee.

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,

Prone to leave the God I love;

Here’s my heart, Lord take and seal it,

Seal it for thy courts above.

---

Worship is not about circumstance, because by definition it is not about us.

It is, inherently selfless.

We worship by serving one another,

Through fear, we worship with obedience to our call.

We worship ourselves when we look for glory and praise in our accomplishments, and live legalistically.

We can worship our friendships, our relationships, our successes, accomplishments, money, fame.

We can worship our schedules, calendars and our appointments.

We can worship our plans.

We worship in and through every emotion

Humbled by the greatness of a God who created Grand Canyons and Mountains, and sunsets and sunrises, and birds that fly in “V” formations.

Excited for friendships and opportunities and blessings.

We worship, Thankful of the Grace that surrounds us and covers us each day.

We worship, in frustration and grief, to a God who makes us more than conquerors. And who a God who is close to the brokenhearted. To our Counselor, and our friend.

We worship through our loving relationships with our family, and complete strangers—no matter how lovable they are..

---

And we look back on stories, on moments with friends, on scripture, on lyrics, on blessings, and struggles and read ridiculously long stories at Vespers to friends—and this, too, is worship.

Because we give the glory to Him who was in control of them all, and who was present in every moment, and who’s Grace covered every moment.

---

And hopefully, through all of these things one day the pictures of our life flashing on a screen for an audience of One, will be….

Worship.