the calm before the storm

They say there's always a calm before the storm.

A stillness before the wind picks up.

Where the smell of rain is in the air, but instead of worrying about the ensuing rain, one relishes in the freshness of the moment.

That hasn't come yet, but I hope it does this weekend.

I think for me, waiting is the hardest part.

In the storm (or in the sunshine as the case very well may be) I have some knowns. But in the waiting there's uncertainty.



To speak straightforwardly instead of in meaningless metaphors. . .

So long summer, hello adventure...that comes with a dress code. and culture of its own. Hopefully I'm a quick learner, hopefully The first few weeks fly by and all of a sudden I'm used to what goes on and how to act, what to say, what my job is.

The fact that I'm being blessed in the midst of my complaint, of my hesitancy, of my sin and stubbornness is sobering.


And to be completely level with you:

These past few weeks have quite possibly been the hardest weeks emotionally for me.

It's like an out of body experience, where I'm watching myself get lost.

I read Betty White's memoirs book the other day and one of the things her mother said to her that has stuck with her was that you must always be able to look in the mirror and stare into your eyes and meet them straight on because you can lie to others, but when you look into the mirror and you meet your eyes there you cannot not know the truth.

I've had some shifty eyes lately.

I want to fight, but it's hard mustering the ability. I want to get off this nauseating roller coaster desperately.


Drama is not my intention, but to rob you of the struggle along with the blessing would be a lie.

and I think...comparatively speaking I have nothing to be distressed about. I should be so thankful. But I do worry, I am distressed. The hurt is real to me.

Despite my circumstance my story stays the same.

And I cling to the fact that when I can only cry out the words"Help me. I need You." He knows exactly what that means. And He knew them before I spoke them, and I trust in His Word, and remind myself of things like Romans 8.

He knows my name, and He cares for me.

He is not only the calm before the storm, but the calm in the midst of storm.