How to Love

Not the typical post you'll see on this blog....

Heard this song on the radio this summer, just got around to watching the video. It's pretty powerful. Unfortunately real stuff people deal with everyday.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

-1 Corinthians 13:4-6

Some thing in the previous blog reminded me of this.

Summer of Healing

At the beginning of the summer I made a challenge to myself to make this summer the "Summer of Discipline." This challenge included healthy eating/exercising habits, daily quiet time with the Lord (including elements of prayer and Scripture meditation), diligent work ethic, positive attitude, and a regular sleep schedule (normal beditme=10:00pm)

I would urge you to look me up on twitter and peruse the "#SummerOfDiscipline" tags to see what some of my fun and no so fun moments of the learning experience were.

But as I sit and think about what this summer has really been about, Discipline is not the first word that comes to my mind. I don't think that it was the end, but maybe the means. The first word I thought of when reflecting on the summer was (assuming you've read the title this shouldn't come as a shocker) "healing".

I think back to May--I was in a bad place. I felt out of control and lost within myself. Scared of a summer job and new living situation. Bitter about what I chose as my summer plan. Lonely in unfamiliar territory. Angry that I wasn't more grateful at what I had been given. Easily frustrated. Anti-social. Depressed. And the list goes on.

Where strong emotion once dictated my attitude/actions/thoughts/decisions, now stands the discipline to refuse to be enslaved.

Last fall when I sat in a dark dorm room crying for the Lord to make it clear what decision I should make about this summer He heard me. He answered my prayer. It wasn't the answer I wanted. I let doubt edge its way into my life and shy-ed away at going to the true Source of Wisdom. I wanted an easy way out.

Hindsight is 20/20. Camp for me this summer would've been a mistake. I was not in a good place to be ministering to students and to be working with staff. I was broken. I needed healing.

After 12 weeks of barely any internet, no TV, regular sleeping hours, a healthy exercising routine and eating habits, and a full work schedule I feel so different than 3 months prior. Couple the previous list with the fact that most of my friends were busy with opposite schedules and it made for the perfect Kaylyn rehab.

Less. Is. More.

The Lord stripped away a lot of things in my life weighing me down, and left me with so much more.

I'm so thankful for a God who knows what's best for me and forgives me for my short memory. It was only a year before that I had been stressing about a summer at a church camp--worried that the people there might try to suck the fun out of my soul or something like that. . . .only for August to come leaving me friendships that I'll treasure forever.

I feel different. In a way that's hard to describe. Free would be a good word--free from dependencies I had once let myself become enslaved to. Resolved would be another--resolved to continue to monitor the role that my emotions have in my life, and to continue to actively pursue discipline. Peaceful.

I'm a little apprehensive about returning to the real world of distractions and technology. It's kinda like celebrity rehab or something. (or maybe not at all.)

There's that short term memory loss acting up again.

Tomorrow will be the end of the Summer of Discipline, the end of my internship, and the end of my stay with the Edwards. While I may or may not shed a few tears on my drive, I'm definitely thankful that the Healing will continue.

True Life: Don't let your Dreams be Dreams

Well, I want to keep this short. Mostly because I have an awesome book sitting beside me that's calling my name. And also because I'll probably go long, but at least I've made it known that I wanted to keep this short. It's not like I'm starting off by saying "I hope to make this a long dissertation on the subject whereby wasting your time and being conceded enough to think that long rants of mine are worth reading. (whew)

I found a card in the store the other day: "You're on the right road if you're happy when you're lost." Wow did it really speak to me. There are so many moments thus far (in my short existence) where things have happened that I didn't think would fall on the "planned" path of my life. Friendships, experiences, obstacles, pain, travel, adventure, etc.

Most of those things have turned out to be life-altering--mostly for the better.

You're on the right road if you're happy when you're lost speaks about the moment. The joy of the journey, not the stress of figuring out where you're going.

As I get more adjusted to my adult life, (or the fake summer I'm having of it) it's harder to remember to dream. As I prepare for my final year of school (in the traditional setting) my mind shifts to the practical, to the planned, to the typical "adult" mindset which considers bills, and living situations, and family, and career...and less on "I want to back-pack Europe, write a book, and get another tattoo" (mom--those were just examples, no need to fret. I'm just sticking with my one)

I saw this quote on a pillow in the store as well: "Sometimes on your way to one dream you get lost and find a better one."

I want to commit to never stop chasing my dreams. It becomes harder to remain a dreamer as the practicalities of this adult life become more consuming. But I know it's possible. I know it's possible because I see hints of it in the lives of my friends. In books that I read, and when I look myself square in the face I know that above a lot of other things I'm stubborn.

It's going to take more than adulthood to squelch the wide-eyed child-like dreamer in me. And while I'll adjust to this new life, I get to enjoy being happy whilst I'm lost.

Bee Tea Dubs..."You're on the right road if you're happy when you're lost"

True Life: Kaylyn Is Old

All summer I have joked around about being old, growing up, and leaving my youth in only memories...mostly because I'm melodramatic, but lately I've been getting scared at how accurate I may have been:

Signs of pre-mature aging:

1. Every night without fail, I go to bed by 10:00pm. This has started including weekends. Friday night I was so tired I went to bed at 9:45. The 70-year-old's I'm living with stayed up that night until almost midnight watching a movie.

2. I've grown an appreciation for the news/current events, I'm listening to NPR in the morning, and checking the Wall Street Journal as a secondary news source. My days of using Entertainment Tonight as a source of current events are over.

3. Auto-tuned music gets on my nerves. (Maybe this isn't a sign of aging, but of good taste.) Lately, all of the top 40 songs sound the same to me...and I dislike them.

3a.(The exception to the rule is "Moves like Jagger" by Maroon 5...for some reason I really like the song..mostly because it makes me dance and whistle. Judge away.)

4. Sticking with the theme of music, this morning I caught myself listening to the jazz station on my radio because it was relaxing to me. Frank Sinatra was playing and I was loving it. Oh, hello mid 40s, I've missed you...since apparently I'm now 70 years +)

5. I find myself talking about the weather more and more...and in natural conversation.

6. I pack my lunch everyday. The same thing.

7. While eating lunch, I read a book. That's right, not only am I old I am old and sad. I'm one of those ladies who eat and read by themselves because their family grew up and left them in a home and all their friends are dead. Except I still have color in my hair that is not white, gray, or non-existent. (My apologies for the unnecessarily depressing description there.)

8. I drink decaffeinated tea because I'm worried that caffeine will keep me awake at night.

9. Along the same lines...some mornings I wouldn't make it without a cup of coffee.

10. My hobbies include card writing, reading (the book is awesome..."The Help"--movie is coming out next month..and I'm excited) and sleeping. Sleeping is my favorite part followed by card writing.

11. My weekend activities include: the gym, grocery shopping; budgeting; car maintenance and sleep.

12. I wake up by 8:30 on Saturday Mornings. And my first thought is usually the laundry I need to start.

13. I am an ironing pro.

14. I find the computer less and less attractive. (I think this has to do with the fact that I'm forced to stare at one for 8+ hours a day as it is)

And believe me there are more...but I don't care to bore you anymore than I probably already have. The truth is...I am old. But at least I can find some humor in it...and that's the key to staying young...still having the ability to laugh at yourself.

Bee Tea Dubs...I also think it's really important to continue to dream, to have the ability to think outside what's expected.....so stay tuned. "Kaylyn is old" pt. 2 is next

"On the far side of every risk, the love of God triumphs. This is the faith that frees us to risk for the cause of God. It is not heroism, or lust for adventure, or

efforts to earn God's favor. It is a childlike faith in the triumph of God's love--

that on the other side of all our risks for the sake of righteousness, God will still

be holding us."

-John Piper

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess; for he who promised is

faithful."

-Hebrews 10:23

Haircut

So I got a new haircut and I thought I'd share a picture.

This and so much more came from my wonderful trip to Atlanta to see my great friend, Danielle.

I just realized she's known me for the most amount of time.

I guess she stuck around long enough to see me actually get a hair style for a person over the age of 8.