Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Thursday, April 12, 2012
What Would Have Been:
These are the last four weeks of college. . .trying to wrap my mind around that fact seems like the most impossible task. I had the great honor of being considered for senior speaker of my graduation. I found out tonight that I wasn't chosen--which kind of has a sting to it--but I am so grateful for the opportunity to be able to go through the process and to be able to digest some of the feelings that I have for this place I call home.
I took a risk, and pursued something I was interested in. And didn't get it. And that's the beauty of loss--the only way of knowing exactly how deeply I cared. I don't normally actually show what I truley want for fear of getting hurt. Vulnerability is a difficult thing to practice--but I did that and for that I am proud.
So, because I did stay up until 3:30AM writing a speech to present, I figured I wouldn't waste that lost sleep. Here is what would've been.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Significantly Insignificant"
Recently I have read a book by a researcher from the University of Houston, Dr. Brene Brown. Her research falls in the sometimes painfully personal topic of human emotion. In her book she discusses some of the traits she has found common in what she refers to as the “wholehearted” individual—someone who embraces authenticity and worthiness.
One of the major points she notes is the universal need for love and belonging. Dr. Brown defines belonging as “the innate human desire to be part of something larger than us.”
According to her research, we as humans try to acquire this belonging by fitting in and seeking approval but she emphasize the fact that these are not substitutes for belonging yet barriers to it. Instead, belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world.
I open with this working definition of belonging because this is what defines my Stetson Experience. Choosing to be a part of the Stetson community means choosing to be a part of something so much larger than ourselves as individuals.
And, from my experience, choosing to be a part of the community here means being embraced for exactly who we are—and challenged to be a better version of ourselves in the process.
There is an interesting dynamic that occurs when we experience belonging—we begin to see how important it is for us to be less important than the community as a whole—and how, consequently that concept creates a greater sense of self-importance.
There is an irony about gaining self-worth by making ourselves less.
In business, one might use synergy as an example of this kind of anomaly.
Synergy occurs when the parts working together produce a result not obtainable by the parts independently.
That the different functions come together to offer their gifts to a business that can in turn create a much larger presence than any single accountant or marketing analyst could individually.
---
I realize that, in a room filled with prestigious music school faculty and students, I take a great risk making this next example. I acknowledge that fact and do so anyway.
In music, the grace note occurs as notes of short duration before the sounding of the relatively longer-lasting note which immediately follows them.
The grace notes can be considered harmonically subservient to the longer note which it precedes.
However, in some pieces, it serves as the only way to differentiate between notes and is crucial to artwork as a whole.
The University developed a motto two years ago that it uses in its marketing materials—the theme “Dare to Be Significant”
What a challenge to all of us—not to just dream to be successful but to yearn to make a difference—to matter in our world. I wholeheartedly agree with this challenge and what it means the University believes its students and faculty can achieve.
I do, however, want to add something to this statement.
I think we would all agree that a college graduation is a significant event in our lives. But with every significant moment, comes a multitude of insignificant ones that brought us there.
When we look back on our collegiate experience I doubt we will remember much about this ceremony.
I doubt we will remember the speakers or what they said, myself included.
We will, however, remember what are seemingly insignificant moments
The 2AM conversations with our roommate about faith, reason, and politics—things that should never have been discussed that late.
The afternoons spend reading in the Quad, and being okay with all of the interruptions of friends as they passed by
And countless other times where we have experienced what it means to belong—what it means to be a part of something bigger than ourselves—to have been significantly insignificant.
When we remember our time at Stetson we will find that what has been significant to us about this experience, was not bought with money, fame, wisdom, or power—(although there has been a significant amount of money invested here.)
But instead, the important things have been felt—and the significance has come from an embrace of the present
Some here today may have significant gifts and talents that can lead to large profit margins and life-changing new products.
Let us not limit our ability to succeed by overlooking the value that comes from working together.
---
Our lives are a culmination of notes of different lengths—some pieces have a great rhythm and others, a strong chorus.
We must not forget the grace notes that have served to accent the more prominent periods in our lives.
---
So, as we go on our separate paths, let us dare to be significant.
But, in doing so, let us dare to embrace the beauty of the moment—as insignificant as it may seem.
Let us not forget the significance of insignificance.
I took a risk, and pursued something I was interested in. And didn't get it. And that's the beauty of loss--the only way of knowing exactly how deeply I cared. I don't normally actually show what I truley want for fear of getting hurt. Vulnerability is a difficult thing to practice--but I did that and for that I am proud.
So, because I did stay up until 3:30AM writing a speech to present, I figured I wouldn't waste that lost sleep. Here is what would've been.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Significantly Insignificant"
Recently I have read a book by a researcher from the University of Houston, Dr. Brene Brown. Her research falls in the sometimes painfully personal topic of human emotion. In her book she discusses some of the traits she has found common in what she refers to as the “wholehearted” individual—someone who embraces authenticity and worthiness.
One of the major points she notes is the universal need for love and belonging. Dr. Brown defines belonging as “the innate human desire to be part of something larger than us.”
According to her research, we as humans try to acquire this belonging by fitting in and seeking approval but she emphasize the fact that these are not substitutes for belonging yet barriers to it. Instead, belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world.
I open with this working definition of belonging because this is what defines my Stetson Experience. Choosing to be a part of the Stetson community means choosing to be a part of something so much larger than ourselves as individuals.
And, from my experience, choosing to be a part of the community here means being embraced for exactly who we are—and challenged to be a better version of ourselves in the process.
There is an interesting dynamic that occurs when we experience belonging—we begin to see how important it is for us to be less important than the community as a whole—and how, consequently that concept creates a greater sense of self-importance.
There is an irony about gaining self-worth by making ourselves less.
In business, one might use synergy as an example of this kind of anomaly.
Synergy occurs when the parts working together produce a result not obtainable by the parts independently.
That the different functions come together to offer their gifts to a business that can in turn create a much larger presence than any single accountant or marketing analyst could individually.
---
I realize that, in a room filled with prestigious music school faculty and students, I take a great risk making this next example. I acknowledge that fact and do so anyway.
In music, the grace note occurs as notes of short duration before the sounding of the relatively longer-lasting note which immediately follows them.
The grace notes can be considered harmonically subservient to the longer note which it precedes.
However, in some pieces, it serves as the only way to differentiate between notes and is crucial to artwork as a whole.
The University developed a motto two years ago that it uses in its marketing materials—the theme “Dare to Be Significant”
What a challenge to all of us—not to just dream to be successful but to yearn to make a difference—to matter in our world. I wholeheartedly agree with this challenge and what it means the University believes its students and faculty can achieve.
I do, however, want to add something to this statement.
I think we would all agree that a college graduation is a significant event in our lives. But with every significant moment, comes a multitude of insignificant ones that brought us there.
When we look back on our collegiate experience I doubt we will remember much about this ceremony.
I doubt we will remember the speakers or what they said, myself included.
We will, however, remember what are seemingly insignificant moments
The 2AM conversations with our roommate about faith, reason, and politics—things that should never have been discussed that late.
The afternoons spend reading in the Quad, and being okay with all of the interruptions of friends as they passed by
And countless other times where we have experienced what it means to belong—what it means to be a part of something bigger than ourselves—to have been significantly insignificant.
When we remember our time at Stetson we will find that what has been significant to us about this experience, was not bought with money, fame, wisdom, or power—(although there has been a significant amount of money invested here.)
But instead, the important things have been felt—and the significance has come from an embrace of the present
Some here today may have significant gifts and talents that can lead to large profit margins and life-changing new products.
Let us not limit our ability to succeed by overlooking the value that comes from working together.
---
Our lives are a culmination of notes of different lengths—some pieces have a great rhythm and others, a strong chorus.
We must not forget the grace notes that have served to accent the more prominent periods in our lives.
---
So, as we go on our separate paths, let us dare to be significant.
But, in doing so, let us dare to embrace the beauty of the moment—as insignificant as it may seem.
Let us not forget the significance of insignificance.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Thoughts in Solitude
"My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone."
-Thoughts in Solitude, Thomas Merton, Image Books, 1968
-Thoughts in Solitude, Thomas Merton, Image Books, 1968
Monday, February 13, 2012
If I Should Have A Daughter
Bee Tea Dubs. . . just watch the first 4 minutes if you don't have time for the whole video. . . It's worth it!
Thursday, February 9, 2012
The fact of the matter is
I'm tapping into my old bad habit of ignoring the fact that I have an 8:30AM class, and instead blogging because I have this wonderful bit of excitement and I don't know why.
Here are some possibilities:
1) This Ray LaMontagne pandora station that is currently breeding joy in my heart and lovely whispers in my ears.
2) I'm reading a new book, "The Gift of Imperfection" from one of my new favs, researcher of human emotion and professional storyteller, Brene Brown.
3) The hunger games movie comes out in a month and I have a date with the bestie from MS/HS/College/Forever, Danielle. (side note, Danielle seems so happy in her new relationship and that is a prayer answered and also makes me happy to see)
4)CCF mission trip is in 4 weeks! I'm really super stoked that everyone will be all together for a week and can't wait to see new relationships formed and life change in some of my closest college family members.
5) Last night, I went to Status, a church in Orlando. Driving by my soon to be office and my soon to be home was a great reminder of what will soon be my reality. And the speaker spoke from Nehemiah 6--which was one of the bible study lessons that we did every week summer 2010 when I worked FUGE--a wonderful reminder of what the Lord has brought me through and blessed me by.
I think number 5 may be the biggest reason for my renewed excitement. The main point of the message was pride and how it's an inaccurate view of who I am and/or who God is. I appreciated one of the sub-points on "remembering who is sovereign" and not letting fear dictate how me make decisions because (and this is the real kick in the gut) "fear is the antithesis of the Gospel."
It's very safe to say that I've been living in fear this year of what happens after I leave this place. When I go from college student/professional bumm...to just plain professional.
I fear many things. . .that I'll fail (on so many levels), I fear loneliness, I fear not living life to the fullest, I fear loss (of friends, of free time, of myself).
And the fact of the matter is. . . the gospel says otherwise.
The fact of the matter is. . it's time to stop living in fear of what might be and start owning the fact that it doesn't matter because I know WHO Was, Is, and Will Be.
Here are some possibilities:
1) This Ray LaMontagne pandora station that is currently breeding joy in my heart and lovely whispers in my ears.
2) I'm reading a new book, "The Gift of Imperfection" from one of my new favs, researcher of human emotion and professional storyteller, Brene Brown.
3) The hunger games movie comes out in a month and I have a date with the bestie from MS/HS/College/Forever, Danielle. (side note, Danielle seems so happy in her new relationship and that is a prayer answered and also makes me happy to see)
4)CCF mission trip is in 4 weeks! I'm really super stoked that everyone will be all together for a week and can't wait to see new relationships formed and life change in some of my closest college family members.
5) Last night, I went to Status, a church in Orlando. Driving by my soon to be office and my soon to be home was a great reminder of what will soon be my reality. And the speaker spoke from Nehemiah 6--which was one of the bible study lessons that we did every week summer 2010 when I worked FUGE--a wonderful reminder of what the Lord has brought me through and blessed me by.
I think number 5 may be the biggest reason for my renewed excitement. The main point of the message was pride and how it's an inaccurate view of who I am and/or who God is. I appreciated one of the sub-points on "remembering who is sovereign" and not letting fear dictate how me make decisions because (and this is the real kick in the gut) "fear is the antithesis of the Gospel."
It's very safe to say that I've been living in fear this year of what happens after I leave this place. When I go from college student/professional bumm...to just plain professional.
I fear many things. . .that I'll fail (on so many levels), I fear loneliness, I fear not living life to the fullest, I fear loss (of friends, of free time, of myself).
And the fact of the matter is. . . the gospel says otherwise.
The fact of the matter is. . it's time to stop living in fear of what might be and start owning the fact that it doesn't matter because I know WHO Was, Is, and Will Be.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Letting Go.
In direct contrast to the title of this blog here are some of the many things I've gained over the last month of silence. . .
-4 weeks of no homework, which is related to the increase in sleep
-a GPS for my new job so that I don't turn the wrong way on one way streets
-a Christmas lunch at a Chinese buffet!
-a few days with a dear friend, which included watching "It's a Wonderful Life" and "Miracle on 34th Street" (the original)
-lots of backroad driving time
-Visit to the Atlanta Aquarium with my sis and her friends
-messages from Louie Giglio, Christine Caine, Francis Chan, John Piper, and Beth Moore
-Fried green tomatoes made by my uncle Jerry.
-seeing off a friend to Texas via a beautiful wedding ceremony
-a revival of the soul
I'm grateful for the things/moments/transformation that I've gained.
And in similar fashion, I'm so happy that my heart has been broken over the past month. I'm so happy that I've been given the gift of letting go.
Letting go my pride to admit that I'm really screwed up most of the time. And living in the inexplicable freedom that comes from knowing that the Lord sees me as beautiful anyway.
Letting go of control in order to embrace the day--in all its interruptions and spontaneous miscues that lead to new opportunities.
Letting go, to pursue what we've been called to do today.
letting go for peace, for growth, for the morning.
at some point over break it occurred to me that surrender is not always loosing. sometimes its giving up the very thing that is weighing me down in order to gain something that I've been longing for all along.
It hurts to let go. To see relationships change. To be made vulnerable and open to discomfort.
The reward is worth it.
Bee Tea Dubs, "But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere." -James 3:17
-4 weeks of no homework, which is related to the increase in sleep
-a GPS for my new job so that I don't turn the wrong way on one way streets
-a Christmas lunch at a Chinese buffet!
-a few days with a dear friend, which included watching "It's a Wonderful Life" and "Miracle on 34th Street" (the original)
-lots of backroad driving time
-Visit to the Atlanta Aquarium with my sis and her friends
-messages from Louie Giglio, Christine Caine, Francis Chan, John Piper, and Beth Moore
-Fried green tomatoes made by my uncle Jerry.
-seeing off a friend to Texas via a beautiful wedding ceremony
-a revival of the soul
I'm grateful for the things/moments/transformation that I've gained.
And in similar fashion, I'm so happy that my heart has been broken over the past month. I'm so happy that I've been given the gift of letting go.
Letting go my pride to admit that I'm really screwed up most of the time. And living in the inexplicable freedom that comes from knowing that the Lord sees me as beautiful anyway.
Letting go of control in order to embrace the day--in all its interruptions and spontaneous miscues that lead to new opportunities.
Letting go, to pursue what we've been called to do today.
letting go for peace, for growth, for the morning.
at some point over break it occurred to me that surrender is not always loosing. sometimes its giving up the very thing that is weighing me down in order to gain something that I've been longing for all along.
It hurts to let go. To see relationships change. To be made vulnerable and open to discomfort.
The reward is worth it.
Bee Tea Dubs, "But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere." -James 3:17
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
My Life is a Sitcom
It's really the truth. Here are some short examples.
The other day I walked into a room of friends and was carrying my lunch with me. I was talking about what a great mood I was in for no particular reason. I said "yea, it's probably just because the bottom is about to fall. . . . out" The pause between fall and out was when the drink I was holding in my hand dumped out all over my white shirt, jeans, and white shoes.
The only response to that is laughter. What else can you do.
Then yesterday was my 22nd Birthday. (It was also Taylor Swift's, but she and I aren't on speaking terms right now, so let's not go there.)
-->First of all, somehow Febreze sets off fire alarms. So because of me an entire ACADEMIC (not residential) building had to be evacuated for 30 minutes while Public Safety and the Deland Fire Department checked the building for any flames. They even brought an ax, and an ambulance.
--> Then, I was at Chili's and my friend made the entire restaurant sing Happy Birthday to me....not the waitresses, but other guests. Embarrassing
---> and last, but certainly not least. I have these friends Jessica and Claire. They are both English and Religious studies dual majors. They are also witty smart-asses. Which makes for a great combination and I'm really glad we're all friends. They thought it'd be fun to try to get back at me for all of the awkward/embarrassing/uncomfortable moments I've caused to countless individuals by coming up with this idea of who my husband should/will be. So they choose our friend Christopher. Who hasn't even known us very long and is very shy. And they've been secretly making fun of me about it because I guess it get's their gears grinding to see me squirm. I will also add that this is purely their imagination running wild--and the story is without merit.
So late last night after I got back to campus from driving a friend home, our friend Natalie meets me at the door, says Claire had to step out but for me to check my email as soon as possible.
(note that this was Claire's last night at the school...she's graduating, getting married and moving to Texas---to find out more see my previous posts).
So there is a computer, and a chair sitting in the middle of the auditorium. Which I am already sensing is kinda weird. But I reluctantly follow directions. And I hope my email to a short message about how much I mean to Claire and a hyperlink to this website.
CLICK HERE
If you decided to come back after viewing that precious jewel, it's more than I could do. I was crying I was laughing so hard. These girls went WAY out of their way to play a practical joke for my birthday and I felt SO loved. Although, probably not in the same ways that website is suggesting.
And to make things even better. Christopher walked into the coffee shop the next morning when Claire was sharing this story with some more of our friends. So now he has seen it as well. Here's to an awkward encounter with him in January.
I love my friends and I love that my life is just like a sitcom--I never get bored. Happy Birthday to me.
The other day I walked into a room of friends and was carrying my lunch with me. I was talking about what a great mood I was in for no particular reason. I said "yea, it's probably just because the bottom is about to fall. . . . out" The pause between fall and out was when the drink I was holding in my hand dumped out all over my white shirt, jeans, and white shoes.
The only response to that is laughter. What else can you do.
Then yesterday was my 22nd Birthday. (It was also Taylor Swift's, but she and I aren't on speaking terms right now, so let's not go there.)
-->First of all, somehow Febreze sets off fire alarms. So because of me an entire ACADEMIC (not residential) building had to be evacuated for 30 minutes while Public Safety and the Deland Fire Department checked the building for any flames. They even brought an ax, and an ambulance.
--> Then, I was at Chili's and my friend made the entire restaurant sing Happy Birthday to me....not the waitresses, but other guests. Embarrassing
---> and last, but certainly not least. I have these friends Jessica and Claire. They are both English and Religious studies dual majors. They are also witty smart-asses. Which makes for a great combination and I'm really glad we're all friends. They thought it'd be fun to try to get back at me for all of the awkward/embarrassing/uncomfortable moments I've caused to countless individuals by coming up with this idea of who my husband should/will be. So they choose our friend Christopher. Who hasn't even known us very long and is very shy. And they've been secretly making fun of me about it because I guess it get's their gears grinding to see me squirm. I will also add that this is purely their imagination running wild--and the story is without merit.
So late last night after I got back to campus from driving a friend home, our friend Natalie meets me at the door, says Claire had to step out but for me to check my email as soon as possible.
(note that this was Claire's last night at the school...she's graduating, getting married and moving to Texas---to find out more see my previous posts).
So there is a computer, and a chair sitting in the middle of the auditorium. Which I am already sensing is kinda weird. But I reluctantly follow directions. And I hope my email to a short message about how much I mean to Claire and a hyperlink to this website.
CLICK HERE
If you decided to come back after viewing that precious jewel, it's more than I could do. I was crying I was laughing so hard. These girls went WAY out of their way to play a practical joke for my birthday and I felt SO loved. Although, probably not in the same ways that website is suggesting.
And to make things even better. Christopher walked into the coffee shop the next morning when Claire was sharing this story with some more of our friends. So now he has seen it as well. Here's to an awkward encounter with him in January.
I love my friends and I love that my life is just like a sitcom--I never get bored. Happy Birthday to me.
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