"My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone."
-Thoughts in Solitude, Thomas Merton, Image Books, 1968
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Monday, February 13, 2012
If I Should Have A Daughter
Bee Tea Dubs. . . just watch the first 4 minutes if you don't have time for the whole video. . . It's worth it!
Thursday, February 9, 2012
The fact of the matter is
I'm tapping into my old bad habit of ignoring the fact that I have an 8:30AM class, and instead blogging because I have this wonderful bit of excitement and I don't know why.
Here are some possibilities:
1) This Ray LaMontagne pandora station that is currently breeding joy in my heart and lovely whispers in my ears.
2) I'm reading a new book, "The Gift of Imperfection" from one of my new favs, researcher of human emotion and professional storyteller, Brene Brown.
3) The hunger games movie comes out in a month and I have a date with the bestie from MS/HS/College/Forever, Danielle. (side note, Danielle seems so happy in her new relationship and that is a prayer answered and also makes me happy to see)
4)CCF mission trip is in 4 weeks! I'm really super stoked that everyone will be all together for a week and can't wait to see new relationships formed and life change in some of my closest college family members.
5) Last night, I went to Status, a church in Orlando. Driving by my soon to be office and my soon to be home was a great reminder of what will soon be my reality. And the speaker spoke from Nehemiah 6--which was one of the bible study lessons that we did every week summer 2010 when I worked FUGE--a wonderful reminder of what the Lord has brought me through and blessed me by.
I think number 5 may be the biggest reason for my renewed excitement. The main point of the message was pride and how it's an inaccurate view of who I am and/or who God is. I appreciated one of the sub-points on "remembering who is sovereign" and not letting fear dictate how me make decisions because (and this is the real kick in the gut) "fear is the antithesis of the Gospel."
It's very safe to say that I've been living in fear this year of what happens after I leave this place. When I go from college student/professional bumm...to just plain professional.
I fear many things. . .that I'll fail (on so many levels), I fear loneliness, I fear not living life to the fullest, I fear loss (of friends, of free time, of myself).
And the fact of the matter is. . . the gospel says otherwise.
The fact of the matter is. . it's time to stop living in fear of what might be and start owning the fact that it doesn't matter because I know WHO Was, Is, and Will Be.
Here are some possibilities:
1) This Ray LaMontagne pandora station that is currently breeding joy in my heart and lovely whispers in my ears.
2) I'm reading a new book, "The Gift of Imperfection" from one of my new favs, researcher of human emotion and professional storyteller, Brene Brown.
3) The hunger games movie comes out in a month and I have a date with the bestie from MS/HS/College/Forever, Danielle. (side note, Danielle seems so happy in her new relationship and that is a prayer answered and also makes me happy to see)
4)CCF mission trip is in 4 weeks! I'm really super stoked that everyone will be all together for a week and can't wait to see new relationships formed and life change in some of my closest college family members.
5) Last night, I went to Status, a church in Orlando. Driving by my soon to be office and my soon to be home was a great reminder of what will soon be my reality. And the speaker spoke from Nehemiah 6--which was one of the bible study lessons that we did every week summer 2010 when I worked FUGE--a wonderful reminder of what the Lord has brought me through and blessed me by.
I think number 5 may be the biggest reason for my renewed excitement. The main point of the message was pride and how it's an inaccurate view of who I am and/or who God is. I appreciated one of the sub-points on "remembering who is sovereign" and not letting fear dictate how me make decisions because (and this is the real kick in the gut) "fear is the antithesis of the Gospel."
It's very safe to say that I've been living in fear this year of what happens after I leave this place. When I go from college student/professional bumm...to just plain professional.
I fear many things. . .that I'll fail (on so many levels), I fear loneliness, I fear not living life to the fullest, I fear loss (of friends, of free time, of myself).
And the fact of the matter is. . . the gospel says otherwise.
The fact of the matter is. . it's time to stop living in fear of what might be and start owning the fact that it doesn't matter because I know WHO Was, Is, and Will Be.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Letting Go.
In direct contrast to the title of this blog here are some of the many things I've gained over the last month of silence. . .
-4 weeks of no homework, which is related to the increase in sleep
-a GPS for my new job so that I don't turn the wrong way on one way streets
-a Christmas lunch at a Chinese buffet!
-a few days with a dear friend, which included watching "It's a Wonderful Life" and "Miracle on 34th Street" (the original)
-lots of backroad driving time
-Visit to the Atlanta Aquarium with my sis and her friends
-messages from Louie Giglio, Christine Caine, Francis Chan, John Piper, and Beth Moore
-Fried green tomatoes made by my uncle Jerry.
-seeing off a friend to Texas via a beautiful wedding ceremony
-a revival of the soul
I'm grateful for the things/moments/transformation that I've gained.
And in similar fashion, I'm so happy that my heart has been broken over the past month. I'm so happy that I've been given the gift of letting go.
Letting go my pride to admit that I'm really screwed up most of the time. And living in the inexplicable freedom that comes from knowing that the Lord sees me as beautiful anyway.
Letting go of control in order to embrace the day--in all its interruptions and spontaneous miscues that lead to new opportunities.
Letting go, to pursue what we've been called to do today.
letting go for peace, for growth, for the morning.
at some point over break it occurred to me that surrender is not always loosing. sometimes its giving up the very thing that is weighing me down in order to gain something that I've been longing for all along.
It hurts to let go. To see relationships change. To be made vulnerable and open to discomfort.
The reward is worth it.
Bee Tea Dubs, "But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere." -James 3:17
-4 weeks of no homework, which is related to the increase in sleep
-a GPS for my new job so that I don't turn the wrong way on one way streets
-a Christmas lunch at a Chinese buffet!
-a few days with a dear friend, which included watching "It's a Wonderful Life" and "Miracle on 34th Street" (the original)
-lots of backroad driving time
-Visit to the Atlanta Aquarium with my sis and her friends
-messages from Louie Giglio, Christine Caine, Francis Chan, John Piper, and Beth Moore
-Fried green tomatoes made by my uncle Jerry.
-seeing off a friend to Texas via a beautiful wedding ceremony
-a revival of the soul
I'm grateful for the things/moments/transformation that I've gained.
And in similar fashion, I'm so happy that my heart has been broken over the past month. I'm so happy that I've been given the gift of letting go.
Letting go my pride to admit that I'm really screwed up most of the time. And living in the inexplicable freedom that comes from knowing that the Lord sees me as beautiful anyway.
Letting go of control in order to embrace the day--in all its interruptions and spontaneous miscues that lead to new opportunities.
Letting go, to pursue what we've been called to do today.
letting go for peace, for growth, for the morning.
at some point over break it occurred to me that surrender is not always loosing. sometimes its giving up the very thing that is weighing me down in order to gain something that I've been longing for all along.
It hurts to let go. To see relationships change. To be made vulnerable and open to discomfort.
The reward is worth it.
Bee Tea Dubs, "But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere." -James 3:17
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
My Life is a Sitcom
It's really the truth. Here are some short examples.
The other day I walked into a room of friends and was carrying my lunch with me. I was talking about what a great mood I was in for no particular reason. I said "yea, it's probably just because the bottom is about to fall. . . . out" The pause between fall and out was when the drink I was holding in my hand dumped out all over my white shirt, jeans, and white shoes.
The only response to that is laughter. What else can you do.
Then yesterday was my 22nd Birthday. (It was also Taylor Swift's, but she and I aren't on speaking terms right now, so let's not go there.)
-->First of all, somehow Febreze sets off fire alarms. So because of me an entire ACADEMIC (not residential) building had to be evacuated for 30 minutes while Public Safety and the Deland Fire Department checked the building for any flames. They even brought an ax, and an ambulance.
--> Then, I was at Chili's and my friend made the entire restaurant sing Happy Birthday to me....not the waitresses, but other guests. Embarrassing
---> and last, but certainly not least. I have these friends Jessica and Claire. They are both English and Religious studies dual majors. They are also witty smart-asses. Which makes for a great combination and I'm really glad we're all friends. They thought it'd be fun to try to get back at me for all of the awkward/embarrassing/uncomfortable moments I've caused to countless individuals by coming up with this idea of who my husband should/will be. So they choose our friend Christopher. Who hasn't even known us very long and is very shy. And they've been secretly making fun of me about it because I guess it get's their gears grinding to see me squirm. I will also add that this is purely their imagination running wild--and the story is without merit.
So late last night after I got back to campus from driving a friend home, our friend Natalie meets me at the door, says Claire had to step out but for me to check my email as soon as possible.
(note that this was Claire's last night at the school...she's graduating, getting married and moving to Texas---to find out more see my previous posts).
So there is a computer, and a chair sitting in the middle of the auditorium. Which I am already sensing is kinda weird. But I reluctantly follow directions. And I hope my email to a short message about how much I mean to Claire and a hyperlink to this website.
CLICK HERE
If you decided to come back after viewing that precious jewel, it's more than I could do. I was crying I was laughing so hard. These girls went WAY out of their way to play a practical joke for my birthday and I felt SO loved. Although, probably not in the same ways that website is suggesting.
And to make things even better. Christopher walked into the coffee shop the next morning when Claire was sharing this story with some more of our friends. So now he has seen it as well. Here's to an awkward encounter with him in January.
I love my friends and I love that my life is just like a sitcom--I never get bored. Happy Birthday to me.
The other day I walked into a room of friends and was carrying my lunch with me. I was talking about what a great mood I was in for no particular reason. I said "yea, it's probably just because the bottom is about to fall. . . . out" The pause between fall and out was when the drink I was holding in my hand dumped out all over my white shirt, jeans, and white shoes.
The only response to that is laughter. What else can you do.
Then yesterday was my 22nd Birthday. (It was also Taylor Swift's, but she and I aren't on speaking terms right now, so let's not go there.)
-->First of all, somehow Febreze sets off fire alarms. So because of me an entire ACADEMIC (not residential) building had to be evacuated for 30 minutes while Public Safety and the Deland Fire Department checked the building for any flames. They even brought an ax, and an ambulance.
--> Then, I was at Chili's and my friend made the entire restaurant sing Happy Birthday to me....not the waitresses, but other guests. Embarrassing
---> and last, but certainly not least. I have these friends Jessica and Claire. They are both English and Religious studies dual majors. They are also witty smart-asses. Which makes for a great combination and I'm really glad we're all friends. They thought it'd be fun to try to get back at me for all of the awkward/embarrassing/uncomfortable moments I've caused to countless individuals by coming up with this idea of who my husband should/will be. So they choose our friend Christopher. Who hasn't even known us very long and is very shy. And they've been secretly making fun of me about it because I guess it get's their gears grinding to see me squirm. I will also add that this is purely their imagination running wild--and the story is without merit.
So late last night after I got back to campus from driving a friend home, our friend Natalie meets me at the door, says Claire had to step out but for me to check my email as soon as possible.
(note that this was Claire's last night at the school...she's graduating, getting married and moving to Texas---to find out more see my previous posts).
So there is a computer, and a chair sitting in the middle of the auditorium. Which I am already sensing is kinda weird. But I reluctantly follow directions. And I hope my email to a short message about how much I mean to Claire and a hyperlink to this website.
CLICK HERE
If you decided to come back after viewing that precious jewel, it's more than I could do. I was crying I was laughing so hard. These girls went WAY out of their way to play a practical joke for my birthday and I felt SO loved. Although, probably not in the same ways that website is suggesting.
And to make things even better. Christopher walked into the coffee shop the next morning when Claire was sharing this story with some more of our friends. So now he has seen it as well. Here's to an awkward encounter with him in January.
I love my friends and I love that my life is just like a sitcom--I never get bored. Happy Birthday to me.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
University Student
Another video discussed lately.
I've watched it several time and each time I see something new.
Be prepared..it's pretty dense.
Monday, November 14, 2011
The Power of Vulnerability
This lady goes on my list of real gansta's. Best twenty minutes of my day so far. . . .
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